Beautifully written Tugba. I love how you crafted this and I love the quote from Thay, such a wonderful spiritual guide. Attachment, I think it's always there, it underlies everything in some shape or form. However, the power of Letting Go is such a difficult but liberating antidote. For me, it's about finding a Place of Patience, where we can be without attraction & attachment. I look forward to reading more of your posts and connecting.
Thank you so much, Jerry, for reading and taking the time to comment. I actually think patience is the way to go with any inner work we are doing. We will never reach a destination, as there isn't one. It is a journey, and we can make it as enjoyable as possible.
Yesss love that, Anthony. Two sides of the same coin. That is a great way to describe it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Have a great start to the week 🖤
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Billy. Same… it is such a difficult skill to practice in life, non-attachment. Happy Friday 🖤
I loved this so much! I once was very attached to my creative work (music), I thought my life had no meaning without it, and then, when I was going through the ups and downs of life, I fell out of love with it and I was incredibly lost. After a few years I think I learned how to love music but not over attach myself to it (but I'm still learning)
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience, Gala. It's funny, but this is precisely the reason why I listed creative work individually in my list. It's much easier to develop unhealthy attachments with our creative endeavours compared to, let's say, my business job. It's also more accepted that we normalise how artists get attached to their creative works. It's not easy, speaking from experience, but I need to keep reminding myself: what if I can't pursue some of my creative work one day? Does that mean my life is over?
Soo true. I kind of adopted the narrative of 'tortured obsessed artist'. Now I see it's not healthy. I'm also starting to wonder those same questions lately, what if I can't pursue this? it's been painful to think that maybe hard work is not enough, I'm literally writing about it now.
Yes, I feel you! It also pains me that maybe one day, I won’t be able to do all this creative work anymore. Will you write a post on this? I would love to read it 🖤
same for me here. I think today I'm gonna post something about hustle culture and how I'm starting to think I might never make it. very weird few days dor me hahha
That is some days the hardest hahah especially with my mum. Hello mum, if you are reading this 🤣 Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Raksha 🖤
Thankyou Tugba, loving and living from a place of self enrichment allows for less emotional attachment. When I was in hospital with stage 4 cancer for 6 weeks last year my health, appearance, work, relationships, financial status ALL changed and since then I have noticed what I am less attached to now. It has lit up the places that need more love and care in myself and I am most grateful for this x
Thank you for taking the time to read and share your experience, Su Lin. I'm moved by your journey. I've heard from others who have faced life-threatening experiences that it completely shifts their perspective on life and the true meaning of impermanence. Understanding it intellectually is one thing, but feeling it deep within your being is profound. I hope you are feeling better and your health is improving 🖤
Hi Tugba, I just discovered you from Tom Kuegler's discord, when you shared your latest note.
'Acknowledging that the good times don’t last forever can allow us to appreciate and be grateful for these happy moments...'
I think that's a wise life lesson to have. If we're aware that such positive moments don't necessarily last forever, it automatically makes us more mindful and not take them for granted. This should also be extended to general moments in life.
I read your text with great curiosity and excitement because what you described is a topic that has been on my mind for a long time as well. You have beautifully captured the inner conflict—the passion for people, things, and activities you love, and the fear that they might consume you, causing you to lose yourself. Your text really made me think and, to be honest, it also touched me deeply. Thank you very much. I hope to read more from you in the future.
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Çiğdem! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the next few days, too. I'm so happy we connected here.
The hug analogy was perfect! As someone who learnt non-attachment from my parents (a rare blessing), I have found it so hard to explain why moving on or making a change is a lot easier to me than it is to them. You have penned it down so beautifully!
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Nivetha 🖤 It is so lovely to hear that the hug resonated with some people. I was trying to think of something I could compare it with, and a hug felt like a good fit, but I wasn't sure whether people would connect with it.
Please tell me more about some things your parents taught you about non-attachment. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case in my family, so I would love to hear and learn more from others.
I think attachment comes from the importance we give to permanence and control. Attachment comes from conditional love that takes or gives at someone's cost. My parents neither expected or gave me love in a way to make me feel indebted. Hearing the words - 'If not this time, then next.'
'You can only do so much for others, in the end they have to take care of themselves.' -
and them being open to the drastic changes I brought into their world, it made a huge impact on how I feel love.
Great post Tuğba, so much gold there! What are your strategies for detaching the sense of self from a job, family or creative work? Something I have long wrestled with.
I was offline the past week as I went on a meditation retreat. Only catching up with some of the comments 🥰 THANK YOU so much for reading and taking the time to comment!
I still struggle with this, too, Marie. I haven't completely figured it out (and I don't think I ever will), but what helps me is making sure that none of the different areas of my life become my sole purpose. It requires constant awareness and reflection. I'm currently dating someone, but I make sure to still spend enough time with my friends. The same goes for my job - if I feel crammed with my work schedule, I make sure to remind myself that work is just work, and I schedule time for my creative pursuits and don't neglect them. Essentially, I'm trying to balance everything in my life. Especially with my creative work, I sometimes isolate myself to write at the weekend. Still, I remind myself that I also need social time with my friends, which is also good for my creativity.
Approaching things naturally this way helps me avoid becoming unhealthily attached to different areas of my life. For example, I sometimes see friends who start dating someone and totally disconnect themselves from their social life. You also see this with married couples, and I'm thinking, why?
I really enjoyed reading your experience with attachment. I’ve been exploring my own relationships with need vs desire, and hearing personal stories like this definitely help me make sense of my own experience with these sensations.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I’m happy that some of my words made you reflect. After all, it's all about :) It is a tough one, to be honest. But I guess it is not about perfection, just learning and minor changes. Happy Sunday, Jess 🖤
Love this piece Tugba! Coming at the right time in the middle of a move and well, some stuff at work that is mentally affecting me more than I would like. I need to go back to my Thich Nhat Hanh books it seems. Thank you for the reminder they exist! 😍
Carmen, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! Aww, good luck with the move. Are you leaving Bavaria? Or just moving houses? OMG, which books do you have from Thich Nhat Hanh? I have some books, too, and I even did a couple of retreats/courses at his centre near Köln. I highly recommend them; they have a lovely offering https://www.eiab.eu/
Tugba, this is a fantastic article. Ironically enough, surrender to what will happen shows strength rather than weakness. We are not in control of anything, really.
Thank you so much, Tom, for taking the time to read and comment! I agree. It's incredible peace of mind to just let go; it's also such a strength. It's tough to do but extremely useful in life. Happy Friday 🖤
Beautifully written Tugba. I love how you crafted this and I love the quote from Thay, such a wonderful spiritual guide. Attachment, I think it's always there, it underlies everything in some shape or form. However, the power of Letting Go is such a difficult but liberating antidote. For me, it's about finding a Place of Patience, where we can be without attraction & attachment. I look forward to reading more of your posts and connecting.
Thank you so much, Jerry, for reading and taking the time to comment. I actually think patience is the way to go with any inner work we are doing. We will never reach a destination, as there isn't one. It is a journey, and we can make it as enjoyable as possible.
Yes it’s a lifelong journey navigating the poles of attachment and detachment. In some sense they’re two sides of the same coin.
Yesss love that, Anthony. Two sides of the same coin. That is a great way to describe it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Have a great start to the week 🖤
Thanks for the reminder. So much of my suffering comes from attachment and becoming enmeshed
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Billy. Same… it is such a difficult skill to practice in life, non-attachment. Happy Friday 🖤
Thank you thank you thank you .... Shantih Shantih Shantih ✨✨🙌🏻✨
THANK YOU for taking the time to read and comment, Pandora 🖤 Pandora is one of my favourite names.
I loved this so much! I once was very attached to my creative work (music), I thought my life had no meaning without it, and then, when I was going through the ups and downs of life, I fell out of love with it and I was incredibly lost. After a few years I think I learned how to love music but not over attach myself to it (but I'm still learning)
Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience, Gala. It's funny, but this is precisely the reason why I listed creative work individually in my list. It's much easier to develop unhealthy attachments with our creative endeavours compared to, let's say, my business job. It's also more accepted that we normalise how artists get attached to their creative works. It's not easy, speaking from experience, but I need to keep reminding myself: what if I can't pursue some of my creative work one day? Does that mean my life is over?
Soo true. I kind of adopted the narrative of 'tortured obsessed artist'. Now I see it's not healthy. I'm also starting to wonder those same questions lately, what if I can't pursue this? it's been painful to think that maybe hard work is not enough, I'm literally writing about it now.
Yes, I feel you! It also pains me that maybe one day, I won’t be able to do all this creative work anymore. Will you write a post on this? I would love to read it 🖤
same for me here. I think today I'm gonna post something about hustle culture and how I'm starting to think I might never make it. very weird few days dor me hahha
I don’t even want to be part of this hustle culture haha I want to retire and sit on the porch, reading my books. Happy Friday, Gala 🖤
I can relate to the part about setting boundaries even though I love my family. It's hard but worth it.
That is some days the hardest hahah especially with my mum. Hello mum, if you are reading this 🤣 Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Raksha 🖤
Thankyou Tugba, loving and living from a place of self enrichment allows for less emotional attachment. When I was in hospital with stage 4 cancer for 6 weeks last year my health, appearance, work, relationships, financial status ALL changed and since then I have noticed what I am less attached to now. It has lit up the places that need more love and care in myself and I am most grateful for this x
Thank you for taking the time to read and share your experience, Su Lin. I'm moved by your journey. I've heard from others who have faced life-threatening experiences that it completely shifts their perspective on life and the true meaning of impermanence. Understanding it intellectually is one thing, but feeling it deep within your being is profound. I hope you are feeling better and your health is improving 🖤
Hi Tugba, I just discovered you from Tom Kuegler's discord, when you shared your latest note.
'Acknowledging that the good times don’t last forever can allow us to appreciate and be grateful for these happy moments...'
I think that's a wise life lesson to have. If we're aware that such positive moments don't necessarily last forever, it automatically makes us more mindful and not take them for granted. This should also be extended to general moments in life.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Raveen! I appreciate it. Have a good day 🖤
Dear Tuba,
I read your text with great curiosity and excitement because what you described is a topic that has been on my mind for a long time as well. You have beautifully captured the inner conflict—the passion for people, things, and activities you love, and the fear that they might consume you, causing you to lose yourself. Your text really made me think and, to be honest, it also touched me deeply. Thank you very much. I hope to read more from you in the future.
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Çiğdem! I'm looking forward to reading more of your work in the next few days, too. I'm so happy we connected here.
Me,too!
Brilliant and intense article! 🖤
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Francesco! Happy Sunday 🖤
The hug analogy was perfect! As someone who learnt non-attachment from my parents (a rare blessing), I have found it so hard to explain why moving on or making a change is a lot easier to me than it is to them. You have penned it down so beautifully!
Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to comment, Nivetha 🖤 It is so lovely to hear that the hug resonated with some people. I was trying to think of something I could compare it with, and a hug felt like a good fit, but I wasn't sure whether people would connect with it.
Please tell me more about some things your parents taught you about non-attachment. Unfortunately, this wasn't the case in my family, so I would love to hear and learn more from others.
I actually ended up writing about it in my post - https://piquedpilgrim.substack.com/p/with-love-detached?r=3wp3c4
I think attachment comes from the importance we give to permanence and control. Attachment comes from conditional love that takes or gives at someone's cost. My parents neither expected or gave me love in a way to make me feel indebted. Hearing the words - 'If not this time, then next.'
'You can only do so much for others, in the end they have to take care of themselves.' -
and them being open to the drastic changes I brought into their world, it made a huge impact on how I feel love.
I love the part that your parents never made you feel indebted 🥺 so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your post. I will read it 🖤
Great post Tuğba, so much gold there! What are your strategies for detaching the sense of self from a job, family or creative work? Something I have long wrestled with.
I was offline the past week as I went on a meditation retreat. Only catching up with some of the comments 🥰 THANK YOU so much for reading and taking the time to comment!
I still struggle with this, too, Marie. I haven't completely figured it out (and I don't think I ever will), but what helps me is making sure that none of the different areas of my life become my sole purpose. It requires constant awareness and reflection. I'm currently dating someone, but I make sure to still spend enough time with my friends. The same goes for my job - if I feel crammed with my work schedule, I make sure to remind myself that work is just work, and I schedule time for my creative pursuits and don't neglect them. Essentially, I'm trying to balance everything in my life. Especially with my creative work, I sometimes isolate myself to write at the weekend. Still, I remind myself that I also need social time with my friends, which is also good for my creativity.
Approaching things naturally this way helps me avoid becoming unhealthily attached to different areas of my life. For example, I sometimes see friends who start dating someone and totally disconnect themselves from their social life. You also see this with married couples, and I'm thinking, why?
I really enjoyed reading your experience with attachment. I’ve been exploring my own relationships with need vs desire, and hearing personal stories like this definitely help me make sense of my own experience with these sensations.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! I’m happy that some of my words made you reflect. After all, it's all about :) It is a tough one, to be honest. But I guess it is not about perfection, just learning and minor changes. Happy Sunday, Jess 🖤
Beautifull piece Tugba! Exactly what I needed to read this morning, thank you ! 🌝☀️
Aww Vic. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. It makes me so happy when my words resonate with other people. Happy Friday 🖤
Love this piece Tugba! Coming at the right time in the middle of a move and well, some stuff at work that is mentally affecting me more than I would like. I need to go back to my Thich Nhat Hanh books it seems. Thank you for the reminder they exist! 😍
Carmen, thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! Aww, good luck with the move. Are you leaving Bavaria? Or just moving houses? OMG, which books do you have from Thich Nhat Hanh? I have some books, too, and I even did a couple of retreats/courses at his centre near Köln. I highly recommend them; they have a lovely offering https://www.eiab.eu/
Tugba, this is a fantastic article. Ironically enough, surrender to what will happen shows strength rather than weakness. We are not in control of anything, really.
Thank you so much, Tom, for taking the time to read and comment! I agree. It's incredible peace of mind to just let go; it's also such a strength. It's tough to do but extremely useful in life. Happy Friday 🖤