Thank you for this piece. That's beautifully written and perfectly encapsulates the thoughts that have been swirling around my head. Truly, thank you Tugba!
my thoughts here go with Persephone. If she can be the goddess of spring and the queen of the underworld, independent while allowing herself to be loved, so can we. right? RIGHT? #panic
loved this. and like you mentioned we live in an incredibly polarized world but my goal is life is to lead with that fluidity, so that one day im a old person full of contradictions and life lessons etc etc.
This is such an important topic. I've always felt an unease in the feeling that sometimes feminism limitates the woman in the true joyful expression of the life she wants. Like how can I not be a mom and working just a small amount, because yes feminist, but also mother? Sometimes we don't do ourselves a favour with these labels ... maybe a lot of the time. I understand that they come from a place of wanting to belong, but the flipside of it is that we believe we have to fulfil certain expectations in order to be a true...*whatever*.
I've often felt a person of huge contradictions since identifying with a lot of things ... and then maybe just partly. It also touches on overidentification with external values instead of felt and true action from the core. We're just humans and mainly our own version and that can be sooooo multifaceted and large, but we don't have to be it all too. Once again the realisation that labels can be good at the beginning of a movement, but often get to restricting in the way they're applied over time... instead If I connect with the need that originated the movement I can experiment and live it out in my own color and shade.
Ok sorry, I'm almost writing you an essay as a comment. But it made me reflect and I loved it.
As a vegan, I definitely relate to this - and I've written about it too. There is so much of this going on in the vegan community. A lot of judgement of other vegans, so much fixating on insignificant details such as "is it cooked next to the meat" which do nothing to help animals. So much infighting. We should all try to get back to the core of WHY we are choosing to be vegan/environmentalist/feminist/spiritual or whatever, and remember it is not a performance.
This is a great piece, and a strong reminder. Thanks for writing it.
I think it all comes down to the 'identity' we build in and for society, but also for ourselves. That identity is not something that is fixed, but – as you put it – fluid, or evolving, changing.
It's not about changing your basic ideals and outlooks constantly. But it's also not about fulfilling others' expectations of what your identity is supposed to be/look/sound/feel like.
In my experience, the main factor was to stop making other people's approval a precondition for my happiness. If they think you're not 'real' feminist/vegan/queer person, then so be it. You don't need that label – just live according to your own values, and you'll be fine. Sounds so easy, but it's actually one of the hardest things to do in life.
Yes living by your values is the right path, for sure. Though I think it can feel counterintuitive for many who want to belong a community, especially a value-driven one like the ones mentioned in Tuğba's article. Especially in today's hyper mediated world people can feel isolated/alone and then not being part of a community like that can feel doubly-isolating, perhaps
I get what you mean and as I said, it's not an easy thing to do. Personally, I wouldn't want to belong to a community that tries to impose their specific ideas on how to interpret certain values on me. Then again, I have no problems with feeling 'alone' or 'isolated', but I can totally see how that would be something many people struggle with.
Felt. Sometimes it really does feel like I'm shaping myself to fit the label rather than letting my attributes do the talking.
This is a great read. I’m fairly sure you’re ok just the way you are.
Thank you for this piece. That's beautifully written and perfectly encapsulates the thoughts that have been swirling around my head. Truly, thank you Tugba!
my thoughts here go with Persephone. If she can be the goddess of spring and the queen of the underworld, independent while allowing herself to be loved, so can we. right? RIGHT? #panic
loved this. and like you mentioned we live in an incredibly polarized world but my goal is life is to lead with that fluidity, so that one day im a old person full of contradictions and life lessons etc etc.
This is such an important topic. I've always felt an unease in the feeling that sometimes feminism limitates the woman in the true joyful expression of the life she wants. Like how can I not be a mom and working just a small amount, because yes feminist, but also mother? Sometimes we don't do ourselves a favour with these labels ... maybe a lot of the time. I understand that they come from a place of wanting to belong, but the flipside of it is that we believe we have to fulfil certain expectations in order to be a true...*whatever*.
I've often felt a person of huge contradictions since identifying with a lot of things ... and then maybe just partly. It also touches on overidentification with external values instead of felt and true action from the core. We're just humans and mainly our own version and that can be sooooo multifaceted and large, but we don't have to be it all too. Once again the realisation that labels can be good at the beginning of a movement, but often get to restricting in the way they're applied over time... instead If I connect with the need that originated the movement I can experiment and live it out in my own color and shade.
Ok sorry, I'm almost writing you an essay as a comment. But it made me reflect and I loved it.
How about just being you and forget about group politics fluidity is freedom . Time to break the cage.
Take care tugba . Great piece!
As a vegan, I definitely relate to this - and I've written about it too. There is so much of this going on in the vegan community. A lot of judgement of other vegans, so much fixating on insignificant details such as "is it cooked next to the meat" which do nothing to help animals. So much infighting. We should all try to get back to the core of WHY we are choosing to be vegan/environmentalist/feminist/spiritual or whatever, and remember it is not a performance.
This is a great piece, and a strong reminder. Thanks for writing it.
I think it all comes down to the 'identity' we build in and for society, but also for ourselves. That identity is not something that is fixed, but – as you put it – fluid, or evolving, changing.
It's not about changing your basic ideals and outlooks constantly. But it's also not about fulfilling others' expectations of what your identity is supposed to be/look/sound/feel like.
In my experience, the main factor was to stop making other people's approval a precondition for my happiness. If they think you're not 'real' feminist/vegan/queer person, then so be it. You don't need that label – just live according to your own values, and you'll be fine. Sounds so easy, but it's actually one of the hardest things to do in life.
Yes living by your values is the right path, for sure. Though I think it can feel counterintuitive for many who want to belong a community, especially a value-driven one like the ones mentioned in Tuğba's article. Especially in today's hyper mediated world people can feel isolated/alone and then not being part of a community like that can feel doubly-isolating, perhaps
I get what you mean and as I said, it's not an easy thing to do. Personally, I wouldn't want to belong to a community that tries to impose their specific ideas on how to interpret certain values on me. Then again, I have no problems with feeling 'alone' or 'isolated', but I can totally see how that would be something many people struggle with.