Really loved this! It’s wild how the algorithm keeps resurfacing people from our past—it’s like digital déjà vu. Makes you think twice about how ‘casual’ online interactions really are. I hadn’t thought about this. Definitely got me thinking about being a bit more careful with who I interact with.
When I stopped using FB and IG 2 years ago, it was like a massive unfollow of *everyone* including exes and old colleagues and all the other passive connections. I never missed any single person with whom I'm not already connected via whatsapp and calls... 🤷🏻♀️
Interesting. In my time as a one-night-stander, I'd exchange phone numbers instead of social media...and I never used social media (expect substack, of course). With phone numbers, you'll only hear from someone if they really want to see you. And if their giving you a hard time, you can easily block their number.
Who knows, maybe it's a good idea to get back to using phone for what they were meant, calling people.
Exactly! The people I exchanged numbers with, I never got exposed to again—hadn’t even thought about it. These days, it’s more common to swap Instagram than phone numbers, but I often tell people I don’t log in much.
Totally agree—hoarding numbers is better than hoarding people on social media. I even had a guy on my Facebook who I barely knew from a party, and later, I found out he voted for Brexit—OMG, his posts made me so mad 😂
Thank you so much, Ramiro, for taking the time to read and support my work. Wishing you a wonderful day 🫶🏼
This is a brilliant piece! SO true. Thinking about it, I have some former colleagues from around TWENTY years ago on mine. Why? We’re not really friends. If I saw them in the street tomorrow, I’d have nothing more than “hello” to say to them. And why do I feel bad for not wishing these people a happy birthday when the day rolls around?! It’s ridiculous 🤣
LOL, Naomi, you’re hilarious! 🤣 I totally get the dilemma—seeing someone’s birthday on their story when you barely know them, but then feeling weird about not saying Happy Birthday after watching it 😂 It’s like, Do I acknowledge it? Do I just pretend I didn’t see it? The struggle is real!
And yeah, it’s crazy how much mental space these random acquaintances take up. Unfollowing people is hard, but I’m slowly doing it too. I wish there were a magic “clean up everything” button—would make life so much easier 😆 Thank you so much for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it.
Awesome piece, Tugba! I read this right as I was wondering why does my ex whom I haven't chatted with for a year now still appears first in my IG online list.
The algorithm remembers, alright!
That's why I just don't keep people I have nothing in common with in my digital orbit. I think digital detoxes are becoming as important as physical ones. And deleting people who don't exist in your day-to-day is crucial.
I guess most men will disagree, as we tend to keep hook-ups in our presence longer. You know, just in case... 😂
🤣 I’m not saying we should cut everyone off—if there’s still a chance, by all means, keep them! But the guy in my post? Yeah, he’s married with two kids now, and if nothing happened in over 10 years, I think it’s safe to say it’s over 😂
I totally get it, though! I have someone like that on my Instagram too—we had a two-month thing, and even though it’s been two years, the algorithm still keeps pushing his posts at me. But I don’t want to unfollow him because he’s a creative genius, and I love what he shares. So here we are 😆
Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Btw, where are you based? I really hope our paths cross one day—I’d love to grab a coffee ☕ If not, I’d love to have a virtual coffee chat. I’ll share more details in my next post, and you’re definitely high on my list of people I’d love to catch up with. I feel like we’d have so much to talk about 😍
I'm from Bulgaria and pretty much live here. I do take the occassional trip around Europe for a couple of days. In fact, I really want to get more into solo traveling so maybe this year will mark the beginning of that.
It's mutual, too! I love reading your work and I'd love to chat with you. Virtual coffees have been becoming more and more prevalent in my day-to-day, so that's a good idea. Perhaps one day I'll visit Berlin (I really really want to) for an actual, human, meetup.
If social media didn’t exist, parting ways with my ex who lives in a different state could have been definitive and easy. But because of Facebook I saw he got engaged a year later to the girl he started dating months after we broke up. I love my current partner, and he doesn’t want to get married for valid reasons of which I agree with and respect. But the little jealous worm in my brain tells me to check my ex’s Facebook to see pictures of the wedding one day
Arghhh, okay, I totally get that, Estella! I had someone I was crazy in love with—met him while traveling in Australia, and we had such a deep connection that after spending a month in Germany, I flew back just to travel with him. I call him my twin flame—have you heard of that?
Anyway, when I moved to Berlin, we wanted to see how things would go, but three months later, he ended things. Turns out, he had gone back to his ex before me. I was devastated, but the worst part? Seeing their Facebook photos—their wedding, their kids. I ended up muting him, but it hurt so much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Wishing you a wonderful day 😊✨
I hope we can connect sometime too, Manuela! I’ll share more details in my next post, but I’d love to chat beyond the comments, over a virtual coffee ☕ Of course, no pressure at all, but we vibe so well here 💛✨
Lol, same—at least until a couple of weeks ago 😂 And yeah, I’m definitely doing a cleanup now. Not everyone, of course, but some people really don’t need to be on my feed anymore. Time to declutter 😆 Ah, also our next meetup! Sorry, I sometimes forget you’re not in the group. 😅 https://lu.ma/ri8xblsy
Great piece, Tugba. I'm wondering what the implications are for professional relationships, especially with (dying) "analog institutions" (like US writers, editors, publishers, etc.) that we might LIKE to keep "hot." 😉
Great question, Topper! I’ve actually thought about this in terms of LinkedIn because, honestly, it’s not what it used to be. Before, people used it more sparingly for business, so it didn’t bother me much. But now, I keep seeing posts that I really don’t want taking up space in my mental bandwidth.
I haven’t figured out a solution yet since I haven’t done a LinkedIn cleanup—mostly because, as you said, it’s good to keep connections warm in case I need to job hunt again 😂
How are you connected with all these people? Is it mostly through LinkedIn, or is there another platform for editors and publishers, etc.?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read! I hope to see you at the next meetup—I shared the details in our group. If not, we can always do a 1:1 coffee when I’m back, as we had planned before ☕😊
(i hate typing on my phone; like composing newspaper headlines....)
What you're 'discovering,' Tugba & co., is old-fashioned, analog social networking, which yesterday's (more geographically oriented) social organizations took for granted.... (I speak 'historian.')
LinkedIn was bought by Microsoft in 2016 (US$26 billion!), and subjected to the same goals as all the rest: Win the battle for Everyone's eyeballs; increase screen time over real-world stuff. (In Europe: Pay no attention to the guy with his arm raised behind the American president....)😏
"Social media has completely changed the concept of closure. " So very true. Also, unfollowing someone on socials or leaving a whatsapp group chat has become such a big deal nowadays. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't but I think the general understanding is that it's not great 😅 and it is a sign that the other person is moving on without you.
Haha, I know, right? 😂 That’s another thing—people take unfollowing so seriously! I remember when a couple of people from CrossFit unfollowed me after I stopped going regularly, and I got so sad. But then I thought about it and was like, Wait… this is silly. I barely knew these people—we only connected because we were in the same class. So yeah, it really isn’t a big deal.
But then there’s the other extreme—I once had an old friend message me, angry, asking why I unfollowed her on Facebook… except I hadn’t even done it 😳 I was so shocked, but she was genuinely upset.
I’m actually planning a follow-up post about what it means to “break up” in the age of social media. This post focused more on casual hookups or people we barely know, but what if, like in my case, you were together for nine years, married, and your families were intertwined? Back then, I remember trying to create a whole new digital identity—it was wild. I’ll definitely share that experience soon!
Thank you so much for reading lovely 🥰 I really hope we can catch up over a virtual coffee chat—I’d love to chat since we’ve connected so well here. But of course, no pressure if it’s not your thing! Wishing you a wonderful day 💛✨
Thank you so much for reading, Sally 🥰 I think I’ll do a follow-up on this—sharing my experience of breaking up with my ex of nine years, who I was also married to, with our families completely intertwined. Haha, now that was an even crazier breakup to navigate on social media!
Wishing you a wonderful day, my lovely, and thank you for supporting my work—I really appreciate it 💛✨
Thanks for this. Tonight I am doing a digital spring cleaning of past-no-longer-relevant people in my feeds 🦾
Social media truly turns old hookups into digital poltergeists—always lurking, never fully gone.
Really loved this! It’s wild how the algorithm keeps resurfacing people from our past—it’s like digital déjà vu. Makes you think twice about how ‘casual’ online interactions really are. I hadn’t thought about this. Definitely got me thinking about being a bit more careful with who I interact with.
When I stopped using FB and IG 2 years ago, it was like a massive unfollow of *everyone* including exes and old colleagues and all the other passive connections. I never missed any single person with whom I'm not already connected via whatsapp and calls... 🤷🏻♀️
I escaped FB in 2017. I believe many friends were led to the conclusion that i 'defriended' -- when I'd just defriended Facebook....🤔
Interesting. In my time as a one-night-stander, I'd exchange phone numbers instead of social media...and I never used social media (expect substack, of course). With phone numbers, you'll only hear from someone if they really want to see you. And if their giving you a hard time, you can easily block their number.
Who knows, maybe it's a good idea to get back to using phone for what they were meant, calling people.
Exactly! The people I exchanged numbers with, I never got exposed to again—hadn’t even thought about it. These days, it’s more common to swap Instagram than phone numbers, but I often tell people I don’t log in much.
Totally agree—hoarding numbers is better than hoarding people on social media. I even had a guy on my Facebook who I barely knew from a party, and later, I found out he voted for Brexit—OMG, his posts made me so mad 😂
Thank you so much, Ramiro, for taking the time to read and support my work. Wishing you a wonderful day 🫶🏼
My pleasure. Best way to thank me is by giving one of my posts a read.😅
Have a great weekend!
This is a brilliant piece! SO true. Thinking about it, I have some former colleagues from around TWENTY years ago on mine. Why? We’re not really friends. If I saw them in the street tomorrow, I’d have nothing more than “hello” to say to them. And why do I feel bad for not wishing these people a happy birthday when the day rolls around?! It’s ridiculous 🤣
LOL, Naomi, you’re hilarious! 🤣 I totally get the dilemma—seeing someone’s birthday on their story when you barely know them, but then feeling weird about not saying Happy Birthday after watching it 😂 It’s like, Do I acknowledge it? Do I just pretend I didn’t see it? The struggle is real!
And yeah, it’s crazy how much mental space these random acquaintances take up. Unfollowing people is hard, but I’m slowly doing it too. I wish there were a magic “clean up everything” button—would make life so much easier 😆 Thank you so much for taking the time to read. I really appreciate it.
Awesome piece, Tugba! I read this right as I was wondering why does my ex whom I haven't chatted with for a year now still appears first in my IG online list.
The algorithm remembers, alright!
That's why I just don't keep people I have nothing in common with in my digital orbit. I think digital detoxes are becoming as important as physical ones. And deleting people who don't exist in your day-to-day is crucial.
I guess most men will disagree, as we tend to keep hook-ups in our presence longer. You know, just in case... 😂
🤣 I’m not saying we should cut everyone off—if there’s still a chance, by all means, keep them! But the guy in my post? Yeah, he’s married with two kids now, and if nothing happened in over 10 years, I think it’s safe to say it’s over 😂
I totally get it, though! I have someone like that on my Instagram too—we had a two-month thing, and even though it’s been two years, the algorithm still keeps pushing his posts at me. But I don’t want to unfollow him because he’s a creative genius, and I love what he shares. So here we are 😆
Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Btw, where are you based? I really hope our paths cross one day—I’d love to grab a coffee ☕ If not, I’d love to have a virtual coffee chat. I’ll share more details in my next post, and you’re definitely high on my list of people I’d love to catch up with. I feel like we’d have so much to talk about 😍
I'm from Bulgaria and pretty much live here. I do take the occassional trip around Europe for a couple of days. In fact, I really want to get more into solo traveling so maybe this year will mark the beginning of that.
It's mutual, too! I love reading your work and I'd love to chat with you. Virtual coffees have been becoming more and more prevalent in my day-to-day, so that's a good idea. Perhaps one day I'll visit Berlin (I really really want to) for an actual, human, meetup.
If social media didn’t exist, parting ways with my ex who lives in a different state could have been definitive and easy. But because of Facebook I saw he got engaged a year later to the girl he started dating months after we broke up. I love my current partner, and he doesn’t want to get married for valid reasons of which I agree with and respect. But the little jealous worm in my brain tells me to check my ex’s Facebook to see pictures of the wedding one day
Arghhh, okay, I totally get that, Estella! I had someone I was crazy in love with—met him while traveling in Australia, and we had such a deep connection that after spending a month in Germany, I flew back just to travel with him. I call him my twin flame—have you heard of that?
Anyway, when I moved to Berlin, we wanted to see how things would go, but three months later, he ended things. Turns out, he had gone back to his ex before me. I was devastated, but the worst part? Seeing their Facebook photos—their wedding, their kids. I ended up muting him, but it hurt so much.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read! Wishing you a wonderful day 😊✨
Yes I have heard of twin flames before! Thank you for sharing your story and your post :)
I love that you met some of your readers in real life!!
I hope we can connect sometime too, Manuela! I’ll share more details in my next post, but I’d love to chat beyond the comments, over a virtual coffee ☕ Of course, no pressure at all, but we vibe so well here 💛✨
Really enjoyed this. It’s become so normal that I’ve never actually thought about how strange it is.
Lol, same—at least until a couple of weeks ago 😂 And yeah, I’m definitely doing a cleanup now. Not everyone, of course, but some people really don’t need to be on my feed anymore. Time to declutter 😆 Ah, also our next meetup! Sorry, I sometimes forget you’re not in the group. 😅 https://lu.ma/ri8xblsy
Great piece, Tugba. I'm wondering what the implications are for professional relationships, especially with (dying) "analog institutions" (like US writers, editors, publishers, etc.) that we might LIKE to keep "hot." 😉
Great question, Topper! I’ve actually thought about this in terms of LinkedIn because, honestly, it’s not what it used to be. Before, people used it more sparingly for business, so it didn’t bother me much. But now, I keep seeing posts that I really don’t want taking up space in my mental bandwidth.
I haven’t figured out a solution yet since I haven’t done a LinkedIn cleanup—mostly because, as you said, it’s good to keep connections warm in case I need to job hunt again 😂
How are you connected with all these people? Is it mostly through LinkedIn, or is there another platform for editors and publishers, etc.?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read! I hope to see you at the next meetup—I shared the details in our group. If not, we can always do a 1:1 coffee when I’m back, as we had planned before ☕😊
(i hate typing on my phone; like composing newspaper headlines....)
What you're 'discovering,' Tugba & co., is old-fashioned, analog social networking, which yesterday's (more geographically oriented) social organizations took for granted.... (I speak 'historian.')
LinkedIn was bought by Microsoft in 2016 (US$26 billion!), and subjected to the same goals as all the rest: Win the battle for Everyone's eyeballs; increase screen time over real-world stuff. (In Europe: Pay no attention to the guy with his arm raised behind the American president....)😏
"Social media has completely changed the concept of closure. " So very true. Also, unfollowing someone on socials or leaving a whatsapp group chat has become such a big deal nowadays. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't but I think the general understanding is that it's not great 😅 and it is a sign that the other person is moving on without you.
Haha, I know, right? 😂 That’s another thing—people take unfollowing so seriously! I remember when a couple of people from CrossFit unfollowed me after I stopped going regularly, and I got so sad. But then I thought about it and was like, Wait… this is silly. I barely knew these people—we only connected because we were in the same class. So yeah, it really isn’t a big deal.
But then there’s the other extreme—I once had an old friend message me, angry, asking why I unfollowed her on Facebook… except I hadn’t even done it 😳 I was so shocked, but she was genuinely upset.
I’m actually planning a follow-up post about what it means to “break up” in the age of social media. This post focused more on casual hookups or people we barely know, but what if, like in my case, you were together for nine years, married, and your families were intertwined? Back then, I remember trying to create a whole new digital identity—it was wild. I’ll definitely share that experience soon!
Thank you so much for reading lovely 🥰 I really hope we can catch up over a virtual coffee chat—I’d love to chat since we’ve connected so well here. But of course, no pressure if it’s not your thing! Wishing you a wonderful day 💛✨
I would love a virtual meet-on. I'll try to be available (not a thursday pleaaaase)
This is so true. Spot on Tugba!
Thank you so much for reading, Sally 🥰 I think I’ll do a follow-up on this—sharing my experience of breaking up with my ex of nine years, who I was also married to, with our families completely intertwined. Haha, now that was an even crazier breakup to navigate on social media!
Wishing you a wonderful day, my lovely, and thank you for supporting my work—I really appreciate it 💛✨