the courage to be really bad at things in a perfectly polished society
adding spice to our life
I’m Tuğba, a Turkish-Greek artist living in Berlin - as slow as possible is a newsletter exploring the in-between spaces of our lives that we see but often do not notice. Interested in reading more of my work?
When was the last time you did something you were terrible at?
No, no!
I’m not asking whether you’re bad at things.
We all have areas where we struggle and fall short!
My question is, what have you done recently that you knew you weren’t good at but still went for it?
When I posed this question to my family and friends, their surprised reactions and hesitant responses spoke volumes.
“I’m bad at so many things; there must be something I’ve done recently that I’m absolutely terrible at, right?”
I don’t know. You tell me.
It turns out that most people haven’t!
As we grow older, we often become less proactive and playful than we were in our carefree, adventurous childhood. Children are remarkable role models because they fearlessly dive into new experiences without hesitation—from learning new skills to meeting new children.
It’s clear that we are increasingly living in a comfort-driven society, where convenience is prioritised and impatience is becoming a dominant trait.
If we order something online and it doesn’t have next-day delivery, rage rises up within us. If we want to look up something online and the internet is slow, even though it clearly says 5G, anger thrums through our veins. If the Post Office delivers our package to a shop nearby or a neighbour, even though we were home — frustration grows as we now have to walk across the street to pick a parcel up. A bit of boredom while in the supermarket queue, and we already grab our phones — too much discomfort, and we need immediate distraction. If we are sad, we start doomscrolling on social media. If a friend doesn’t reply on WhatsApp within a few days, we label them flaky.
It’s like our society is on a mission to banish anything remotely uncomfortable or inconvenient. Complex emotions? No, thanks! Boredom? The ultimate evil! And don’t even get me started on the epidemic of impatience. It’s like we’re all in a race to see who can be the most comfortable and entertained at all times!
To top it off, in today’s ultra-capitalist world, we're constantly bombarded with the idea that our worth is tied to our ability to excel. It's as if everything we do must lead to professional success or financial gain. Who has time for fun when there's an end goal to achieve, right? It’s like the world’s biggest talent show!
Are we surprised that this attitude also translates to other areas of our lives? We start avoiding things, even though we have always wanted to do them. We often dismiss them, thinking we’re too old, it’s too late, or we don’t have time for them. We might say, “I’m not good at it, so what’s the point?”
By the way, all these examples also apply to my own life. I’m just as impatient and as much in love with comfort and convenience as the next person.
All I’m advocating for is more balance in our lives.
I’ve always had dreams of being the next tennis superstar. So, during the pandemic, I I was lucky to spend six weeks in Turkey with my parents during lockdown, and I started taking lessons. Let me tell you, I was the absolute worst on the court. Every lesson, I kept saying, “I can’t do this. I will never learn this.” My poor coach had to deal with my constant whining, but he kept motivating me and assuring me that I would start seeing progress one day. Well, that day didn’t come for many, many more lessons. Like many! I think I kept showing up because there was no other alternative to move my body. So, I kept going, and guess what? I’m still not a tennis pro, but I’m glad I stuck with it!
It was a wonderful learning experience. In many ways, it opened me up to trying other things that I was afraid I would not be good at and had postponed for many years. I started learning to draw and paint despite having a tremor in my hands. I also began learning Greek (Opa!) and going for runs more often just for the fun of it. Who knew embracing things we’re not good at could be liberating?
Trying something we suck at is a fantastic way to learn about ourselves. It’s also a humbling experience to step outside our comfort zone. I’ve learned so much about myself, especially since I’m an expert in negative self-talk when not nailing it. As a recovering perfectionist, old habits die hard — but I’m working on it!
Curiosity is the guiding force in my life, but I also love playing it safe by only doing the things at which I excel. Like everyone else, I love praise and being told I’m a natural! However, it is crucial to push ourselves out of our comfort zones occasionally. It can be a humbling experience, but it also helps us gain confidence to try and do things, even if we’re not good at them initially. And in some cases, even to leave our ego at the door!
So, please, get out there and do everything you’ve always wanted to do. Try to tell that little voice, which has been amplified by capitalism, that you can do anything you want. Remind that little voice that you are still worthy, even if you’re not great at it. The courage to try is more important than your skill level.
I’m not suggesting you do things that will mess you up psychologically or physically, but seriously, think about it — is there something you’ve always dreamt of doing? There will be plenty. Just pick one of those things and give it a shot for a while. Who knows, it might turn out to be your new favourite hobby.
Take care!
Your friend Tuğba
P.S. I've been so touched by some of my readers who reached out to me asking for a "buy me a coffee" link. I've gone ahead and set up an account. Since I'm an avid reader, I've decided to tweak it a bit to "buy me a book" 🥰 Your kindness is truly appreciated. Thank you for your generosity!
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This piece has me pondering: In a world that often equates worth with achievement, how do we redefine 'success' to include the simple act of trying, regardless of the outcome? It's a question that feels both urgent and essential for our collective well-being.
So frustrating learning something new, but I listened to a great chat on Huberman Lab with Cal Newport. Everyone raves about being 'in flow', but the real learning comes in pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. Well done you. It's about time Türkiye was represented at Wimbledon!