excuse me… i’m looking for purpose. do you know where i can find it?

the trap of purpose anxiety: has our obsession gone too far

I’m Tuğba, a Greek-Turkish artist living in Berlin - as slow as possible is a newsletter exploring the in-between spaces of our lives that we see but often do not notice. Interested in reading more of my work?

---

Hello, I’m looking for purpose. Do you know where I might find it?

Excuse me, sir, could you help me find my purpose?

Madam, madam, have you seen purpose anywhere?

Shouting desperately: CAN ANYONE HELP ME FIND MY PURPOSE?

It’s urgent. I need to find my purpose. I need to find my purpose.

But still… no purpose.

Scroll through social media and you’re bombarded with messages like:

“Find your true purpose!”
“Turn your purpose into work!”
“Discover how to make your purpose profitable!”

And I can’t help but wonder—has this obsession with purpose gone too far?

Or maybe… just maybe, I’ve been looking in the wrong places. Perhaps purpose isn’t this singular, grand thing we’re constantly sold on by self-help gurus. Social media plays a big role here (the devil). Day in and day out, we’re exposed to perfectly curated success stories, creating unrealistic expectations about work and purpose.

Then, there are influencers who suggest that purpose must come from your job. While this can be inspiring for some, it narrows the idea of purpose to just one aspect of life: work.

There is a larger societal shift occurring, the growing fear of not living a “meaningful life,” especially as it relates to work.

When I landed my first job in corporate tech, I thought, Yes! This is it! I believed it would be the centre of my life. Slowly, though, my career became tied to my identity and self-worth in a very unhealthy way.

This hyperfocus on work as the sole source of purpose? It’s a slippery slope. Any unhealthy attachment to a single area of life can lead to neglecting other meaningful aspects—hobbies, time with family and friends, dating (if you’re single), or nurturing your relationship if you’re partnered.

And here’s the harsh reality: even trying to find purpose through work doesn’t guarantee we’ll actually find it.

I’m now 40, and I never truly found "purpose" in my corporate career. If anything, I spent years stressing over the idea that I should quit my job and find a purpose-driven career. Reflecting now, I realise I ignored the meaning and purpose already present in the rest of my life.

This fixation on finding “the one big thing” blinded me.

The beauty of my friendships, growing stronger over time.
My creative work which puts me in a beautiful flow state.
My family—their love, their laughter, even our fights.
My mindfulness practice which has anchored me over the years and my growing exploration of Buddhism.

There’s so much meaning in these parts of my life. Even in the smallest, everyday moments, there’s purpose.

I found out there’s even a term for this pressure: purpose anxiety—the overwhelming stress of attempting to find a singular purpose, with the fear that without it, life is meaningless and lacks happiness or success. I’ve been there. Many times, I felt paralysed because I couldn’t identify “the one big purpose” in my life. This isn’t limited to young people either. Even at 60, doubts can creep in.

At the peak of my anxiety, I often felt like I’d wasted my life—that I could have or should have done things differently. That I was doing it all wrong.

Every day, I see advice that shames people who haven’t found their purpose. With the internet offering endless opportunities, it’s easy to feel like the fault lies with us—that we’re not disciplined, brave, or ambitious enough. But why do we all need to fit into this narrow narrative?

What’s wrong with having a job that simply pays the bills, allowing us the financial stability to create time and mental space for our creative projects, friends, and family? What’s wrong with choosing not to go all in on just one thing?

Even those who claim to have found purpose in their work need balance. This hustle culture we live in—this attachment to work—is a direct path to burnout. And burnout rates¹ are rising, as we all know.

For the rest of us still searching for that one big purpose, it can feel like a trap. Constantly striving, constantly searching for the holy grail of purpose. And in the process, we miss the life that’s right in front of us. The now.

Maybe it’s time to step back. To block out the noise of purpose gurus and accept that we’re all different. That not everyone will—or even wants to—find purpose through their work. And that’s okay.

It’s not a failure to live a balanced life, to find a sense of purpose in everyday moments, to pursue passions that may not add up to some grand design.

“Everything I’ve experienced in my life thus far has been my purpose, and that a sense of purpose is no further away than the next inhale or blink. This revelation was a relief.”

Kelly Wilde Miller

For me, this realization has been incredibly freeing. I now appreciate even more my creative projects, my relationships, and the little things that bring me joy. My corporate job no longer has to carry the impossible weight of being the “one big thing” that defines my life. Instead, I’ve realised that fulfilment comes from nurturing many areas of life—together, they create a beautiful, meaningful whole.

What about you?
Have you experienced purpose anxiety?
Have you found purpose in your work, and has it changed your life?

I’d love to hear your story.

Take care!

Your friend Tuğba

P.S.: My most viral note². Clearly I'm not alone in feeling this way!

P.P.S: Introducing between the decades a new podcast

I’m thrilled to announce that my wonderful friend,

Caoilainn

, and I have just launched a new podcast!

In between the decades, we dive into what it really feels like to step into the big 30s and 40s. With this podcast, we hope to break the silence around age-related anxiety and invite more open, honest chats about finding our way in life.

We’ve designed our episodes to be short and sweet, so you can listen on your morning commute or coffee break. Our first episode is available now! Listen on Apple Podcasts, watch on YouTube, or tune in with YouTube Music (for Android users).

Disclaimer: Due to recent controversies, we have chosen not to upload our podcast on Spotify. We no longer wish to support them as a company.

Episode 1: Two friends, two decades, and a candid look at getting older

1. As of 2024, a study by Boston Consulting Group (BCG) found that 48% of workers from eight countries reported currently struggling with burnout.

2. Notes is a short-form feature on Substack—where I host my newsletter—that lets writers share quick, social media–style updates.