Thank you so much, Chanel! I really appreciate you taking the time to read. This was such a personal post, and it means a lot to know it resonated with others. I'm actually in the process of writing my very first book on this topic now—so exciting!
Fellow “other” here - just the other week, I wrote about my lack of a national identity. I was born in Russia, grew up in Sweden, have lived in the USA and Italy, and currently live in the UK. The question “where are you from?” is the hardest one for me to answer. But I’ve made peace with my lack of a national belonging, and am now quite welcoming of the idea of belonging wherever we choose.
Thank you for reading and sharing your experience, Sascha. It's amazing that your background is from all over. More and more people will be in this position. I hope the pressure of national belonging will not matter as much one day. Have a good day. Thank you 🖤
Your words sound so true and heartfelt! I was born and raised in a tiny mountian village and I distinctly remember all the five people with a different skin colour that lived in town. I wish I could apologise on behalf of all of those who have never met any 'other' for the awkward questions. You can't change their preconception but you can be the most awesome and positive first interaction they ever had with someone from a mixed background or with a different faith. I would invite you to visit Australia, you get the perk of a Commonwealth country (language and habits) with a melting-pot cultural situation. Chef's kiss.
Thank you, Barbs, for taking the time to read and comment. I travelled to Australia a couple of years ago for a month. I love Melbourne, and if I decide to live in Australia one day, I think it would definitely be there. It's such an amazing city. And if I do pass by again, I will let you know so we can meet for a small substack catch-up.
Thank you for this incredible piece, Tuğba. Everything you've shared spoke right to my heart and the experiences I've had as a first generation immigrant to the US and Europe (including 13+ years in London, which I recently left to move to Portugal) over the years. I so appreciate you sharing the internal conflict of how / whether to share openly on this theme too (that very real fear of being seen as "just an angry immigrant woman").
In the past year, when I started writing and sharing on Substack, I also explored this theme a lot more deeply in all my writing, as I began to see that it reflected what was at the heart of my self-definition. I realised that, as a visible minority in the countries I migrated to, I had unconsciously erased so much of who I am, in order to not stand out for the "wrong reasons" (unfortunately, that no longer worked when covid came along and I found the negativity and aggression being turned upon people who looked like me, including by other immigrants, in one of the world's largest cosmopolitan cities where I had always assumed I would be safe and could belong). At the same time, I also struggle constantly with the paradox of not feeling like I belong in my country of origin, where I look like the majority of people (and somehow, that makes the loneliness of not belonging even more acute).
Last year was my journey of learning to own my story, to reclaim my whole identity and heritage, and to embrace an authentic self-expression without the need for apology or explanation, similar to how you've shared about your experience. I actually wrote a piece earlier this year on these themes too (https://suyintan.substack.com/p/in-becoming-finding-belonging), and exploring the complex feelings behind this struggle. It was my response to being asked more times than I can count in my life, the question - "Where are you really from?", and the vulnerability of embracing the specificities which make us stand out from the majority. I think that this vulnerability is, ultimately, what leads us to find true belonging, rather than merely contorting ourselves to fit in.
I'm grateful to you for opening up this space for sharing our stories of searching for belonging, and looking forward to continuing to explore all your writing :)
Wow, Suyin! Sorry, it took me so long to get back to your comment. Thank you so much for sharing. Reading about other people's similar experiences encourages me even more that I'm not weird for feeling this way. It means so much to me. I stayed in Athens for two months this year, learning Greek and writing my first book. It will be an extension of this post. Let's see how it goes, but the world needs to hear more of our stories. Even with globalisation becoming more and more regular, so many people feel left behind. I realised this and reflected on it while writing my book. How is it being in Portugal? Are you in Lisbon?
Hi Tuğba - I had this post open in a tab back when I first discovered Substack (back in June!) and lost it when I needed to get a new computer, so I'm delighted to rediscover it today. What a special combination, being Greek and Turkish (my family were Greeks from Turkey). As someone with lots of overlapping DNA to you, I really appreciate reading about your experiences. I wonder have you read the novel A Recipe for Daphne by Nektaria Anastasiadou?
Hi Diana, it's so nice to see you back on this post! Your comment made me very happy. No, I haven't read A Recipe for Daphne, but I bought it for my Kindle after reading your recommendation. It's exactly what I need to read right now. It's funny because I'm currently in Athens. I've been here since the beginning of March, taking a sabbatical and attending Greek language classes while working on my first book. The book is an extension of this post. It's about my two months in Athens, but more generally, it's about identity and belonging. Of course, it's also sprinkled with funny memories and experiences I'm having in Athens. Are you living in the US? Which part of Turkey was your family? You can also DM if it is all too personal here.
I am so glad you bought it for your Kindle - I can't wait to hear what you think of the book. I wish I could read it again for the first time! We have much to discuss but I am traveling for the next few days and would like to reply to you with my full attention. I just want to say that I love that your book is an extension of this post and has now brought you to Athens. I'm already intrigued... Will DM you when I am back home and we can get into the details about my family and see where our stories overlap.
Muchas gracias. Todos deberíamos ver nuestros antecedentes y nuestras historias como un regalo. Mucha gente nos valora incluso si vivimos en un mundo desigual que a veces nos hace cuestionar nuestra identidad.
Thanks for sharng your story. I resonate. I am inspired x
Thank you so much, Chanel! I really appreciate you taking the time to read. This was such a personal post, and it means a lot to know it resonated with others. I'm actually in the process of writing my very first book on this topic now—so exciting!
Fellow “other” here - just the other week, I wrote about my lack of a national identity. I was born in Russia, grew up in Sweden, have lived in the USA and Italy, and currently live in the UK. The question “where are you from?” is the hardest one for me to answer. But I’ve made peace with my lack of a national belonging, and am now quite welcoming of the idea of belonging wherever we choose.
Thank you for reading and sharing your experience, Sascha. It's amazing that your background is from all over. More and more people will be in this position. I hope the pressure of national belonging will not matter as much one day. Have a good day. Thank you 🖤
Your words sound so true and heartfelt! I was born and raised in a tiny mountian village and I distinctly remember all the five people with a different skin colour that lived in town. I wish I could apologise on behalf of all of those who have never met any 'other' for the awkward questions. You can't change their preconception but you can be the most awesome and positive first interaction they ever had with someone from a mixed background or with a different faith. I would invite you to visit Australia, you get the perk of a Commonwealth country (language and habits) with a melting-pot cultural situation. Chef's kiss.
Thank you, Barbs, for taking the time to read and comment. I travelled to Australia a couple of years ago for a month. I love Melbourne, and if I decide to live in Australia one day, I think it would definitely be there. It's such an amazing city. And if I do pass by again, I will let you know so we can meet for a small substack catch-up.
yes PLEASE! :) also, if you would like a postcard from Melbourne, this would be perfect timing
Thank you for this incredible piece, Tuğba. Everything you've shared spoke right to my heart and the experiences I've had as a first generation immigrant to the US and Europe (including 13+ years in London, which I recently left to move to Portugal) over the years. I so appreciate you sharing the internal conflict of how / whether to share openly on this theme too (that very real fear of being seen as "just an angry immigrant woman").
In the past year, when I started writing and sharing on Substack, I also explored this theme a lot more deeply in all my writing, as I began to see that it reflected what was at the heart of my self-definition. I realised that, as a visible minority in the countries I migrated to, I had unconsciously erased so much of who I am, in order to not stand out for the "wrong reasons" (unfortunately, that no longer worked when covid came along and I found the negativity and aggression being turned upon people who looked like me, including by other immigrants, in one of the world's largest cosmopolitan cities where I had always assumed I would be safe and could belong). At the same time, I also struggle constantly with the paradox of not feeling like I belong in my country of origin, where I look like the majority of people (and somehow, that makes the loneliness of not belonging even more acute).
Last year was my journey of learning to own my story, to reclaim my whole identity and heritage, and to embrace an authentic self-expression without the need for apology or explanation, similar to how you've shared about your experience. I actually wrote a piece earlier this year on these themes too (https://suyintan.substack.com/p/in-becoming-finding-belonging), and exploring the complex feelings behind this struggle. It was my response to being asked more times than I can count in my life, the question - "Where are you really from?", and the vulnerability of embracing the specificities which make us stand out from the majority. I think that this vulnerability is, ultimately, what leads us to find true belonging, rather than merely contorting ourselves to fit in.
I'm grateful to you for opening up this space for sharing our stories of searching for belonging, and looking forward to continuing to explore all your writing :)
Wow, Suyin! Sorry, it took me so long to get back to your comment. Thank you so much for sharing. Reading about other people's similar experiences encourages me even more that I'm not weird for feeling this way. It means so much to me. I stayed in Athens for two months this year, learning Greek and writing my first book. It will be an extension of this post. Let's see how it goes, but the world needs to hear more of our stories. Even with globalisation becoming more and more regular, so many people feel left behind. I realised this and reflected on it while writing my book. How is it being in Portugal? Are you in Lisbon?
Hi Tuğba - I had this post open in a tab back when I first discovered Substack (back in June!) and lost it when I needed to get a new computer, so I'm delighted to rediscover it today. What a special combination, being Greek and Turkish (my family were Greeks from Turkey). As someone with lots of overlapping DNA to you, I really appreciate reading about your experiences. I wonder have you read the novel A Recipe for Daphne by Nektaria Anastasiadou?
Hi Diana, it's so nice to see you back on this post! Your comment made me very happy. No, I haven't read A Recipe for Daphne, but I bought it for my Kindle after reading your recommendation. It's exactly what I need to read right now. It's funny because I'm currently in Athens. I've been here since the beginning of March, taking a sabbatical and attending Greek language classes while working on my first book. The book is an extension of this post. It's about my two months in Athens, but more generally, it's about identity and belonging. Of course, it's also sprinkled with funny memories and experiences I'm having in Athens. Are you living in the US? Which part of Turkey was your family? You can also DM if it is all too personal here.
I am so glad you bought it for your Kindle - I can't wait to hear what you think of the book. I wish I could read it again for the first time! We have much to discuss but I am traveling for the next few days and would like to reply to you with my full attention. I just want to say that I love that your book is an extension of this post and has now brought you to Athens. I'm already intrigued... Will DM you when I am back home and we can get into the details about my family and see where our stories overlap.
Muchas gracias. Todos deberíamos ver nuestros antecedentes y nuestras historias como un regalo. Mucha gente nos valora incluso si vivimos en un mundo desigual que a veces nos hace cuestionar nuestra identidad.