Right off the bat - I also moved away from home at 21 and this year it’s gonna be 12 years since then, kind of uncanny to read that in your post as well :)
I feel however that at 21 I didn’t have almost anything to do with who I am now because I didn’t really know myself.
My parents were also immigrants where I grew up but in the post-USSR it was very natural and even with some minor bullying for having Armenian features I still didn’t feel like this experience was defining me at any point.
That said, it’s a very interesting take that moving away helps one shake off the limitations they’ve grown into.
Wow this was beautifully written. You drew me in from the get go. I also left home to "find myself". I think if I had stayed in the UK my life would look totally different and not in a good way. I love the place but I still can't see myself living there.
🫶🏼 Just catching up on old messages, haha! Where in the UK are you from? I know things have gotten worse since Brexit, which is so sad because it’s such a great country. I still think back on my time there so fondly—I absolutely loved it. Have a nice evening, Benjamin 😊
Oh this resonates so much! I really wish we (UK) hadn't systematically eroded the chances to live abroad (hi Brexit) because it's such an eye-opening experience to learn that no, your home country is not the centre of the universe, there are many ways to do something, none of which are objectively the 'right one'. I feel beyond fortunate to have had the chance to live in different countries and It's like moving doesn't really fix the problem, just changes it to something you either can or can't tolerate. Personally, I really struggled with living in Germany but already feel more at peace with any beuracratic stuff here in Lisbon (both get a lot of flak for good reasons.)
I agree 😢 I watched a documentary the other day that showed that most people who voted for Brexit wouldn't vote for it again. However, I'm not sure if there is ever a way back. It's such a shame because I loved how diverse the U.K. was, including regarding different skin colors, which I don't think is as much the case here in Germany.
Yes, I understand how you feel about Berlin, and I'm looking forward to properly catching up on this when we have our call 😍 We can have a proper rant about Berlin then haha I started replying to your DM, but then I thought, "No, I actually want to talk to her and not just rant via messages." So, thank you for initiating it. I'm excited for our call.
Are you spending Christmas in Lisbon? Gosh, I have so many great friends in Lisbon who also left Berlin to move there. I'm pretty sure you must have met some of them. I still need to come for a visit at some point. Happy holidays dear 🫶🏼🎄
Hi Mark, are you Mark from Exeter University? If so, it's great to see you in the comments! I recognized the name, and then you wrote "Devon," so I thought - could this be the Mark I know?
How have you been? That's amazing that your daughter is in the States. Is she studying there?
She's at Harvard and is at the end of her first year. It looks like she will choose Art History as her 'concentration' (major) - I'm off course worried with Trump starting a war with Harvard and international students in particular. I'm now an Esport and Livestreaming Lecturer at Falmouth University. Thanks for saying hi. You were what made my very brief time teaching Access (you were my only class) not a nightmare 😂😘
Yes absolutely agree! While moving abroad didn’t fix me, as you said, it changed me. Culture is the air you breathe right, you don’t notice it. But when you are plopped into another culture you realize all those ideas and ways of being aren’t necessarily the same everywhere. I’m in Japan and people think quite differently here. While people are kind, I’m definitely an outsider and it’s apparent in every aspect of my life. And yes compassion, having dealt with Japanese bureaucracy I have soooo much empathy for foreigners who have to do that in the US (my home country).
That's also a significant cultural difference between Japan and the United States. Is your partner Japanese, or how'd you end up moving there?
I have a really good friend who's half-Kenyan and half-Japanese, and she always told me how friendly Japanese people are, but it's very difficult to become part of their social circle. I've been to Tokyo once with her, and I loved it, but I can imagine how different it is when you live there. Are you spending the holidays in Japan? Where are you in Japan? Sorry for all the questions haha I'm just very curious. Have a wonderful time over the holidays. Thank you so much for reading, Erika 🫶🏼🎄
I moved here to work as an English teacher! I’m placed in an elementary school in the Osaka area.
I love japan and living here! In Osaka people are more outgoing, so it’s not too hard to talk to people (especially if you have passing Japanese) but it has been a huge adjustment. I didn’t know much about Japan before coming here but I learned a lot along the way. I am spending the holidays here but Christmas is more like a secular, couples holiday than religious or family oriented so I don’t feel sad or homesick particularly. I write about it on my blog!
Hi Erika, I hope your new year started well 🫶🏼 I'm just now catching up on all the comments. I've never been to Osaka. I've only been to Tokyo, and I think I'll come back to Tokyo for a week at the beginning of April to meet a friend. But I'm planning a longer trip to Japan for another time. Maybe I'll stay for a month. Sounds so lovely your experience in moving there 🫶🏼
Laying here slightly jet lagged in bed in Bologna, Italy for the Christmas and New Years holidays and I am feeling this more than ever. The urge to leave my home in the US has always been a strong one, but being away from such a “home-coded” event like Christmas and feeling like it’s all OK and meant to be makes me want to believe a shift like you describe is possible for me. For now I’ll settle for 12 days in one of my favorite countries and save the big life changing philosophizing for when I’m back in New York. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings around your identity with us. Powerful!
Hi Tim, we already connected in the comments on Leyla's Substack. It's great to see you here 🥰
Wow, that's amazing that you're in Italy! I love Italy so much. I still have so many places to visit there. I think I might have some strong connection to Italy because when I did a DNA test, it turned out that I'm 18% Southern Italian because of ancient Greece. Anyway, as much as I like Spain, Italy is special to me, along with my heritage countries.
I really hope that one day you can make the leap. The only problem with all these beautiful Mediterranean countries is the job situation. Otherwise, I would already be living in Italy or Greece 😍
Have a wonderful time over the Holidays in Italy 🫶🏼🎄
I love your thoughts and reflections on how moving to different countries has shaped you.
I have a very different story as I am German and grew up in Germany. But, from a very early age, I always felt that I didn’t quite fit. Something was bothering me…
I often say that “I was born in the wrong country”. I am still not sure which country is mine :), but I met my American husband in Switzerland 20 years ago. I certainly never had any intention of moving to the US, but I did and I would say that if I hadn’t left Germany, I would have, for example, never become an artist. I guess I don’t know that for sure, but I definitely believe it.
I struggled adjusting to my life here, and I still miss Europe, but I think my move to the US was so, so good for me in many ways.
Manuela, I didn't know all this about you! It's amazing, and thank you for sharing. We always connect in the comments, but it's great to get to know you better now.
You make a very good point. You don't have to have different roots to feel like you don't belong in your native country. Which countries do make you feel more like yourself, though, when you're traveling? I've noticed that I feel more alive in southern countries — maybe it's because my soul is Mediterranean haha But last year, I spent two and a half months in Brazil, and I felt so alive there. Where in the U.S. are you living now?
That's a good point. I think if I hadn't moved to Berlin, I might not have embraced my artistic side as much again. It really gave me the space to do so, and many people here are artists and have side hustles. Also, financially, Berlin is still cheap, which allowed me to cut down to a four-day work week.
Are you spending the holidays in the U.S.? I hope you have a wonderful time 🫶🏼🎄
Very happy I have landed here. I agree that living abroad makes you more compassionate to other immigrants; puts you in their shoes.
Since you asked for personal stories, mine started more than a decade ago when I left Greece to get a taste of life abroad -in Norway. Fast-forward to today and Denmark is the place I call "home".
Big cultural change from the Mediterranean to Scandinavia. I've heard that Norway isn't an easy or warm country in terms of its people, but Sweden and Denmark are more welcoming. Is this true? Thank you so much for reading.
Nice to connect! Are you back in Greece over the Holidays? Where from Greece are you? My mum is from Xanthi 🥰
I would say Scandinavian countries are not the easiest to feel welcomed in general. People are very polite and helpful, but there is a clear cut between that and friendship.
I am not sure about the differences between them in that regard. I lived in Norway only for a few months and at a small place. I have been living in Copenhagen for the better part of the last 9 years, so comparing the two might be unfair. With my also small experience with Swedish people, I would say that maybe they are a bit more open, at least in Southern Sweden.
And no, I am not going back to Greece for the holidays. As a matter of fact, I am on my way to the airport to welcome some friends who will be visiting and I couldn't be more excited!!
I have a friend from Norway who also lived in Sweden. She said that Norway is the most closed-off out of the Scandinavian countries. It's more difficult to get into groups when you're living there. I hope you enjoyed the holidays with your friends. I'll be in Thessaloniki at the end of August. I'm planning to go to language school. I'm learning Greek haha finally! And my parents will rent a summer house in Halkidiki, so I'll be able to combine both.
I agree 100%! Your journey is not that of a "emotional weakling" but that of the fighter. It takes courage to leave everything behind and take a leap of faith. People don't often understand that it changes you deeply 🧡
I loved how you referred to it as a superpower. It's so true! Well, I'm excited to read more about your experiences in Australia. It's also such a brave move, considering how far away it is. This is your first Christmas in Australia, right? It must be so different from being in Europe during Christmas. Have a wonderful time, Barbs. Thank you so much for your support this year. I look forward to connecting more in the new year. Happy Holidays 🫶🏼🎄
Thank you so much :) I gotta be honest, the timeline of my narration is off, I moved here 9 years ago so it's not the first one... But I'm a bit of a Grinch so it's fine to "celebrate" even far from home
Henry, that is the million-dollar question! I wish I knew. You know, I told you I was considering moving back to London, but I think I need a fresh start somewhere entirely new, perhaps Paris? Next summer, if I find someone in Paris to do a flat swap with, I might give it a try to see what it's like to live there for more than a week. If you were to move again, where would you choose?
Have a wonderful time with your family over the holidays. I'm excited for more fun experiences together in the new year 🫶🏼🎄
I'm quite happy in Berlin, but if I HAD to move, it would probably be Los Angeles. Been there a couple of times and I love that city, even if it's super hard to get around. You too & so excited for what 2025 has in store for us!!
I loved LA when I was there! I stayed in Silverlake haha as I was told it's the Shoreditch or Kreuzberg of LA. But so annoying that you need a car everywhere
Tuğba, your post resonated with me so much. I'm a Turkish immigrant who has been living in the U.S. since I was 25. Over the past 30+ years, I've experienced a deep sense of 'otherness' on many levels. However, navigating these challenges has strengthened my perseverance and grit. It has also deepened my understanding and empathy for other minority groups. These experiences have shaped who I am today, reminding me of the strength found in embracing our differences and the importance of building bridges of connection and understanding. Thank you.
Merhaba Aysu 🥰 Wow, over 30+ years. Another writer shared my post and called it a "superpower." She wrote that being an immigrant or an expat gives us superpowers. I really liked that way of thinking about it.
It's truly amazing that you took the bold step to move to another country. It's not easy, especially when you're only 25! I remember when I first moved to the U.K.. I cried so much because I missed my parents. It was my first time living away from home, but I'm so glad I pushed through and stayed for so long.
Wishing you a wonderful time during the holiday season! I truly appreciate your support. I look forward to connecting more in the new year 🫶🏼🎄
I’ve moved all over my own country and it helped me discover who I was meant to be! I live to travel and each time I do it’s a new discovery not only outside of myself but inside as well.
I actually think every state in the U.S. is like moving to another country. At least, for us Europeans, that's how we feel about the different states. They're just so different.
Yay! I will share the notes one by one: yours and Lily's. They're amazing! Have a wonderful time over the holidays, Spencer. I look forward to connecting more in the new year 🫶🏼🎄
I grew up in France and moved to Berlin twelve years ago, and I couldn’t agree more about how eye-opening the experience was. Moving to another country is challenging on so many levels, and it’s impossible to fully grasp without going through it yourself. Living in a place where you don’t know the language well (or at all, in my case), where bureaucracy is a nightmare, and where societal expectations are completely different—it forces you to constantly figure out how things work and uncover the unwritten rules that everyone else just seems to know, but nobody thinks to explain to you.
In my case, I left a relatively privileged bubble in Paris to build a new life in Berlin, where none of those privileges existed. This exposed me to struggles my friends faced—struggles I had never encountered before. It changed me for the better, without question. I didn’t truly understand my own privileges until I met people who had none. It reshaped my perspective and helped me develop a deeper level of empathy that I never had before.
Interestingly, it’s this same empathy that will eventually lead me to leave Germany in a couple of years. Moving here also made me realise what I value and what I need—things I had taken for granted until I noticed their absence. The lack of empathy in German society is something I can’t reconcile with. While I’ve met some of the best friends of my life here, and they are incredibly kind, the society as a whole feels cold and detached. I can’t imagine growing old—or dying—in a place where rules seem to hold more value than people. A visit to an Amt or a hospital often feels like an affront to humanity, and I’ve developed such an aversion to it that I know I can’t stay.
This experience has also helped me understand what I need to feel happy and to create a new home. While the idea of returning to France doesn’t exactly excite me, I know Germany will never feel like home, and my next destination will prioritise a more human society. It may not be perfectly organised, but at this point, I’d gladly trade rigid processes for a more compassionate and humanistic approach.
Thank you so much, James! I can relate to much of what you've written about Germany. I also have some amazing friends here, including many Germans, so I certainly don't want to generalize about everyone. But yes, I agree with you that there is generally a greater emphasis on process and efficiency here, and less on human connection.
I spent two months in Athens this year on my sabbatical, and it reminded me again of how much more common everyday kindness is in other countries. Even when I was living in London, where everyone is rushing and always on the go, people tended to be very friendly and human.
I was on holiday in Thailand in November, and the moment I landed in Munich, I became angry again. I had just gotten off a 12-hour flight and was exhausted, and I had to catch my connecting flight to Berlin. With my backpack and phone in hand, I was trying to find my gate and didn't realize I was standing in the way. An older German man forcefully pushed me aside without saying anything, and then started complaining in German. I was shocked. How difficult is it to say "Excuse me"? Even if I was in his way, did he need to push me? People might say that these kinds of things happen in other countries too, but the frequency with which they occur in Germany is unbelievable.
I mentioned in another comment how difficult it is to get things done here because officials refuse to speak in English, even if they are fluent. How on earth do they expect people who immigrate to this country to become fluent in the language immediately? These small things, which are not so small, make it very difficult to live here. Reading your comment further confirmed my views. And thank goodness we have the privilege to move around; I'm considering moving to Paris next haha Where in France are you at the moment? You moved back, right?
Thank you for sharing your experience. Have a wonderful time over the Holidays 🫶🏼🎄
That’s lovely to hear that you’ve had the chance to travel so much this year!
I remember really enjoying the people in Greece. I was last there eight years ago, but I’d love to go back someday—soaking up the culture, the warm people, and, of course, the warm weather. 😊
Sadly, your story about that man feels all too familiar and, unfortunately, doesn’t surprise me. In my experience, people here are warm and kind with acquaintances and friends, but they can be cold or even mean to strangers. It often seems like they see anyone they don’t know as a potential threat. The administration is another headache, with so many safeguards to prevent abuse that it becomes a real pain. It feels like there’s an ingrained assumption that people will always try to cheat the system. After 12 years here, I could share countless examples, but that’s probably beside the point!
I’m still in Berlin and plan to stay for two to three more years for family and professional reasons. After that, I’ll start looking for a new place to call home.
If you’re heading to Paris, feel free to reach out (you can drop me a message on Telegram). I’d be happy to share some tips and safety advice with you.
James arghh I've just realized that you're the James from our Telegram group. Sorry! The group has grown so much that it can be hard to keep up sometimes. Okay, great. Of course you're still here because hopefully you'll join one of the next meetups 😍 But I think you said you can't make the one in January. I'll definitely let you know again about Paris. Thank you so much! I'm looking forward to sharing our experiences in more detail when we meet 🫶🏼
Your story deeply resonates with me. I embarked on my journey abroad 18 years ago, initially planning to stay for just six months, but what was meant to be temporary ended up shaping the course of my life. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the experiences I’ve had in every place I’ve lived.
I see myself as a mosaic of identities and languages, each piece contributing to the unique picture of who I’ve become.
I write about my story and inclusion challenges in The Inclusion Room.
Hi Emanuela, I really loved the part where you wrote "mosaic of identities and languages." That's such a beautiful way to put it. Mosaics are so beautiful and precious, and so are all our experiences.
By the way, how long did you end up staying, instead of the intended six months?
Thank you so much. I'll definitely check out "Inclusion Room."
I'm glad the image of the mosaic resonated with you. I’ve had a transformative journey through Europe, moving between France, Spain, the Netherlands, and back to France. How long? Perhaps 2025 will bring some new destinations!
That' s cool!I find that there is a good quality of life in France, and I really like the language! However, you will need to be fluent in French to fully enjoy the experience here 😉
This is what worries me, haha! As you can imagine, it will take years to become truly fluent. Although I already speak English, German, and Turkish and am now learning Greek, apparently, every language helps—especially European languages. So, let’s see!
Hi Tuğba. Thank you for reminding me again of my experience. My life took a profound turn when I moved to the North of Italy at 40. The experience was nothing short of transformative. I mastered a new language, discovered a passion for teaching I never knew I had, and formed deep connections with people who remain close friends to this day.
I've come to believe that when we feel an inexplicable pull to leave a place behind, it's a sign that our karma there has run its course. The universe is nudging us toward a new destination, where we'll continue our journey of growth, self-discovery, and learning. It's a call to embark on a fresh chapter, one that promises to enrich our lives in ways we never thought possible. 🙏🏽
I spent 15 challenging and incredible years in Italy, and I remember when I left, some friends tried to discourage me from going. But I realized they were thinking about how my departure would affect them, not about what was best for me.
A true friend will support your decisions and wish you all the best on your new adventure. They'll bless your journey and hope for your happiness, even if it means being apart.
And remember, Tuğba, if things don't work out as planned, you can always return home. But I'm sure you'll thrive in your new journey! It’s all in your mindset! I support your decision. Happy travels.
Aw, thank you so much for all the lovely encouragement, Yolanda! In the meantime, I spoke to my best friend, and he was incredibly supportive and encouraging about my desire to move. You were absolutely right in everything you wrote. I hope your new year started well 🫶🏼
Yolanda, I was moved to tears reading your beautiful words. They came at exactly the right time for me. As much as I'm ready for my next move, I can't help but feel scared. But you're right, it's a sign of something new that will enrich our lives in both good and bad ways.
I remember you lived in Italy. We've talked about this before, and I admire your decision to challenge yourself at 40. Many people have tried to discourage me, saying I'm crazy for wanting to leave my friends behind. In fact, I recently recorded a podcast with another writer friend who's also on Substack, and we discussed midlife and the challenges of moving. I will share it beginning of January :)
Remind me again, how many years did you live in Italy? Do you still visit often?
Have a wonderful time over the holidays 🫶🏼🎄 Looking forward to connect more in the new year. Thank you so much for all your support!
Well said! Honestly think the world will be more compassionate and empathetic if we could all trade homes all over the world for a bit. Find new layers of ourselves and return seeing through new pairs of glasses
I truly wish, Janet, more people would understand this: If we examine the world around us, we see that all the wars and hatred stem from our tendency to “other” and look down on people. If we could overcome this, we'd certainly be living in a far more peaceful world. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Have a wonderful time over the holidays 🫶🏼🎄
Right off the bat - I also moved away from home at 21 and this year it’s gonna be 12 years since then, kind of uncanny to read that in your post as well :)
I feel however that at 21 I didn’t have almost anything to do with who I am now because I didn’t really know myself.
My parents were also immigrants where I grew up but in the post-USSR it was very natural and even with some minor bullying for having Armenian features I still didn’t feel like this experience was defining me at any point.
That said, it’s a very interesting take that moving away helps one shake off the limitations they’ve grown into.
Wow this was beautifully written. You drew me in from the get go. I also left home to "find myself". I think if I had stayed in the UK my life would look totally different and not in a good way. I love the place but I still can't see myself living there.
🫶🏼 Just catching up on old messages, haha! Where in the UK are you from? I know things have gotten worse since Brexit, which is so sad because it’s such a great country. I still think back on my time there so fondly—I absolutely loved it. Have a nice evening, Benjamin 😊
Oh this resonates so much! I really wish we (UK) hadn't systematically eroded the chances to live abroad (hi Brexit) because it's such an eye-opening experience to learn that no, your home country is not the centre of the universe, there are many ways to do something, none of which are objectively the 'right one'. I feel beyond fortunate to have had the chance to live in different countries and It's like moving doesn't really fix the problem, just changes it to something you either can or can't tolerate. Personally, I really struggled with living in Germany but already feel more at peace with any beuracratic stuff here in Lisbon (both get a lot of flak for good reasons.)
I agree 😢 I watched a documentary the other day that showed that most people who voted for Brexit wouldn't vote for it again. However, I'm not sure if there is ever a way back. It's such a shame because I loved how diverse the U.K. was, including regarding different skin colors, which I don't think is as much the case here in Germany.
Yes, I understand how you feel about Berlin, and I'm looking forward to properly catching up on this when we have our call 😍 We can have a proper rant about Berlin then haha I started replying to your DM, but then I thought, "No, I actually want to talk to her and not just rant via messages." So, thank you for initiating it. I'm excited for our call.
Are you spending Christmas in Lisbon? Gosh, I have so many great friends in Lisbon who also left Berlin to move there. I'm pretty sure you must have met some of them. I still need to come for a visit at some point. Happy holidays dear 🫶🏼🎄
Reading this as my eldest daughter makes her way back to Devon for Xmas from the States.
Hi Mark, are you Mark from Exeter University? If so, it's great to see you in the comments! I recognized the name, and then you wrote "Devon," so I thought - could this be the Mark I know?
How have you been? That's amazing that your daughter is in the States. Is she studying there?
She's at Harvard and is at the end of her first year. It looks like she will choose Art History as her 'concentration' (major) - I'm off course worried with Trump starting a war with Harvard and international students in particular. I'm now an Esport and Livestreaming Lecturer at Falmouth University. Thanks for saying hi. You were what made my very brief time teaching Access (you were my only class) not a nightmare 😂😘
Yes absolutely agree! While moving abroad didn’t fix me, as you said, it changed me. Culture is the air you breathe right, you don’t notice it. But when you are plopped into another culture you realize all those ideas and ways of being aren’t necessarily the same everywhere. I’m in Japan and people think quite differently here. While people are kind, I’m definitely an outsider and it’s apparent in every aspect of my life. And yes compassion, having dealt with Japanese bureaucracy I have soooo much empathy for foreigners who have to do that in the US (my home country).
That's also a significant cultural difference between Japan and the United States. Is your partner Japanese, or how'd you end up moving there?
I have a really good friend who's half-Kenyan and half-Japanese, and she always told me how friendly Japanese people are, but it's very difficult to become part of their social circle. I've been to Tokyo once with her, and I loved it, but I can imagine how different it is when you live there. Are you spending the holidays in Japan? Where are you in Japan? Sorry for all the questions haha I'm just very curious. Have a wonderful time over the holidays. Thank you so much for reading, Erika 🫶🏼🎄
Yes, very significant. Lmao
I moved here to work as an English teacher! I’m placed in an elementary school in the Osaka area.
I love japan and living here! In Osaka people are more outgoing, so it’s not too hard to talk to people (especially if you have passing Japanese) but it has been a huge adjustment. I didn’t know much about Japan before coming here but I learned a lot along the way. I am spending the holidays here but Christmas is more like a secular, couples holiday than religious or family oriented so I don’t feel sad or homesick particularly. I write about it on my blog!
Hi Erika, I hope your new year started well 🫶🏼 I'm just now catching up on all the comments. I've never been to Osaka. I've only been to Tokyo, and I think I'll come back to Tokyo for a week at the beginning of April to meet a friend. But I'm planning a longer trip to Japan for another time. Maybe I'll stay for a month. Sounds so lovely your experience in moving there 🫶🏼
Laying here slightly jet lagged in bed in Bologna, Italy for the Christmas and New Years holidays and I am feeling this more than ever. The urge to leave my home in the US has always been a strong one, but being away from such a “home-coded” event like Christmas and feeling like it’s all OK and meant to be makes me want to believe a shift like you describe is possible for me. For now I’ll settle for 12 days in one of my favorite countries and save the big life changing philosophizing for when I’m back in New York. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings around your identity with us. Powerful!
Hi Tim, we already connected in the comments on Leyla's Substack. It's great to see you here 🥰
Wow, that's amazing that you're in Italy! I love Italy so much. I still have so many places to visit there. I think I might have some strong connection to Italy because when I did a DNA test, it turned out that I'm 18% Southern Italian because of ancient Greece. Anyway, as much as I like Spain, Italy is special to me, along with my heritage countries.
I really hope that one day you can make the leap. The only problem with all these beautiful Mediterranean countries is the job situation. Otherwise, I would already be living in Italy or Greece 😍
Have a wonderful time over the Holidays in Italy 🫶🏼🎄
I love your thoughts and reflections on how moving to different countries has shaped you.
I have a very different story as I am German and grew up in Germany. But, from a very early age, I always felt that I didn’t quite fit. Something was bothering me…
I often say that “I was born in the wrong country”. I am still not sure which country is mine :), but I met my American husband in Switzerland 20 years ago. I certainly never had any intention of moving to the US, but I did and I would say that if I hadn’t left Germany, I would have, for example, never become an artist. I guess I don’t know that for sure, but I definitely believe it.
I struggled adjusting to my life here, and I still miss Europe, but I think my move to the US was so, so good for me in many ways.
Manuela, I didn't know all this about you! It's amazing, and thank you for sharing. We always connect in the comments, but it's great to get to know you better now.
You make a very good point. You don't have to have different roots to feel like you don't belong in your native country. Which countries do make you feel more like yourself, though, when you're traveling? I've noticed that I feel more alive in southern countries — maybe it's because my soul is Mediterranean haha But last year, I spent two and a half months in Brazil, and I felt so alive there. Where in the U.S. are you living now?
That's a good point. I think if I hadn't moved to Berlin, I might not have embraced my artistic side as much again. It really gave me the space to do so, and many people here are artists and have side hustles. Also, financially, Berlin is still cheap, which allowed me to cut down to a four-day work week.
Are you spending the holidays in the U.S.? I hope you have a wonderful time 🫶🏼🎄
Very happy I have landed here. I agree that living abroad makes you more compassionate to other immigrants; puts you in their shoes.
Since you asked for personal stories, mine started more than a decade ago when I left Greece to get a taste of life abroad -in Norway. Fast-forward to today and Denmark is the place I call "home".
Ohhh, you're also Greek? Γειά σου 🙋🏻♀️
Big cultural change from the Mediterranean to Scandinavia. I've heard that Norway isn't an easy or warm country in terms of its people, but Sweden and Denmark are more welcoming. Is this true? Thank you so much for reading.
Nice to connect! Are you back in Greece over the Holidays? Where from Greece are you? My mum is from Xanthi 🥰
Have a wonderful time over the Holidays 🫶🏼🎄
I am from Thessaloniki, so not too far😉
I would say Scandinavian countries are not the easiest to feel welcomed in general. People are very polite and helpful, but there is a clear cut between that and friendship.
I am not sure about the differences between them in that regard. I lived in Norway only for a few months and at a small place. I have been living in Copenhagen for the better part of the last 9 years, so comparing the two might be unfair. With my also small experience with Swedish people, I would say that maybe they are a bit more open, at least in Southern Sweden.
And no, I am not going back to Greece for the holidays. As a matter of fact, I am on my way to the airport to welcome some friends who will be visiting and I couldn't be more excited!!
I have a friend from Norway who also lived in Sweden. She said that Norway is the most closed-off out of the Scandinavian countries. It's more difficult to get into groups when you're living there. I hope you enjoyed the holidays with your friends. I'll be in Thessaloniki at the end of August. I'm planning to go to language school. I'm learning Greek haha finally! And my parents will rent a summer house in Halkidiki, so I'll be able to combine both.
Oh language lessons, good luck! Sounds like you have the whole summer planned!
Ευχαριστώ και καλή εβδομάδα 😊
Άψογα! Καλή εβδομάδα και σε σένα :)
I agree 100%! Your journey is not that of a "emotional weakling" but that of the fighter. It takes courage to leave everything behind and take a leap of faith. People don't often understand that it changes you deeply 🧡
I loved how you referred to it as a superpower. It's so true! Well, I'm excited to read more about your experiences in Australia. It's also such a brave move, considering how far away it is. This is your first Christmas in Australia, right? It must be so different from being in Europe during Christmas. Have a wonderful time, Barbs. Thank you so much for your support this year. I look forward to connecting more in the new year. Happy Holidays 🫶🏼🎄
Thank you so much :) I gotta be honest, the timeline of my narration is off, I moved here 9 years ago so it's not the first one... But I'm a bit of a Grinch so it's fine to "celebrate" even far from home
Awww haha now it makes sense!
sorry for the confusion. Should I put a disclaimer? I should put a disclaimer...
🤣 no you do you. No disclaimer needed haha
I agree with your insight - living abroad, in the Netherlands, the UK, and the US, has shaped who I am today. So… where will you go next ? :)
Henry, that is the million-dollar question! I wish I knew. You know, I told you I was considering moving back to London, but I think I need a fresh start somewhere entirely new, perhaps Paris? Next summer, if I find someone in Paris to do a flat swap with, I might give it a try to see what it's like to live there for more than a week. If you were to move again, where would you choose?
Have a wonderful time with your family over the holidays. I'm excited for more fun experiences together in the new year 🫶🏼🎄
I'm quite happy in Berlin, but if I HAD to move, it would probably be Los Angeles. Been there a couple of times and I love that city, even if it's super hard to get around. You too & so excited for what 2025 has in store for us!!
I loved LA when I was there! I stayed in Silverlake haha as I was told it's the Shoreditch or Kreuzberg of LA. But so annoying that you need a car everywhere
Tuğba, your post resonated with me so much. I'm a Turkish immigrant who has been living in the U.S. since I was 25. Over the past 30+ years, I've experienced a deep sense of 'otherness' on many levels. However, navigating these challenges has strengthened my perseverance and grit. It has also deepened my understanding and empathy for other minority groups. These experiences have shaped who I am today, reminding me of the strength found in embracing our differences and the importance of building bridges of connection and understanding. Thank you.
Merhaba Aysu 🥰 Wow, over 30+ years. Another writer shared my post and called it a "superpower." She wrote that being an immigrant or an expat gives us superpowers. I really liked that way of thinking about it.
It's truly amazing that you took the bold step to move to another country. It's not easy, especially when you're only 25! I remember when I first moved to the U.K.. I cried so much because I missed my parents. It was my first time living away from home, but I'm so glad I pushed through and stayed for so long.
Wishing you a wonderful time during the holiday season! I truly appreciate your support. I look forward to connecting more in the new year 🫶🏼🎄
I’ve moved all over my own country and it helped me discover who I was meant to be! I live to travel and each time I do it’s a new discovery not only outside of myself but inside as well.
Also, thank you for sharing my note!
I actually think every state in the U.S. is like moving to another country. At least, for us Europeans, that's how we feel about the different states. They're just so different.
Yay! I will share the notes one by one: yours and Lily's. They're amazing! Have a wonderful time over the holidays, Spencer. I look forward to connecting more in the new year 🫶🏼🎄
Yes. I totally agree! Each state is very unique.
Thank you for sharing all these personal stories.
I grew up in France and moved to Berlin twelve years ago, and I couldn’t agree more about how eye-opening the experience was. Moving to another country is challenging on so many levels, and it’s impossible to fully grasp without going through it yourself. Living in a place where you don’t know the language well (or at all, in my case), where bureaucracy is a nightmare, and where societal expectations are completely different—it forces you to constantly figure out how things work and uncover the unwritten rules that everyone else just seems to know, but nobody thinks to explain to you.
In my case, I left a relatively privileged bubble in Paris to build a new life in Berlin, where none of those privileges existed. This exposed me to struggles my friends faced—struggles I had never encountered before. It changed me for the better, without question. I didn’t truly understand my own privileges until I met people who had none. It reshaped my perspective and helped me develop a deeper level of empathy that I never had before.
Interestingly, it’s this same empathy that will eventually lead me to leave Germany in a couple of years. Moving here also made me realise what I value and what I need—things I had taken for granted until I noticed their absence. The lack of empathy in German society is something I can’t reconcile with. While I’ve met some of the best friends of my life here, and they are incredibly kind, the society as a whole feels cold and detached. I can’t imagine growing old—or dying—in a place where rules seem to hold more value than people. A visit to an Amt or a hospital often feels like an affront to humanity, and I’ve developed such an aversion to it that I know I can’t stay.
This experience has also helped me understand what I need to feel happy and to create a new home. While the idea of returning to France doesn’t exactly excite me, I know Germany will never feel like home, and my next destination will prioritise a more human society. It may not be perfectly organised, but at this point, I’d gladly trade rigid processes for a more compassionate and humanistic approach.
Thank you so much, James! I can relate to much of what you've written about Germany. I also have some amazing friends here, including many Germans, so I certainly don't want to generalize about everyone. But yes, I agree with you that there is generally a greater emphasis on process and efficiency here, and less on human connection.
I spent two months in Athens this year on my sabbatical, and it reminded me again of how much more common everyday kindness is in other countries. Even when I was living in London, where everyone is rushing and always on the go, people tended to be very friendly and human.
I was on holiday in Thailand in November, and the moment I landed in Munich, I became angry again. I had just gotten off a 12-hour flight and was exhausted, and I had to catch my connecting flight to Berlin. With my backpack and phone in hand, I was trying to find my gate and didn't realize I was standing in the way. An older German man forcefully pushed me aside without saying anything, and then started complaining in German. I was shocked. How difficult is it to say "Excuse me"? Even if I was in his way, did he need to push me? People might say that these kinds of things happen in other countries too, but the frequency with which they occur in Germany is unbelievable.
I mentioned in another comment how difficult it is to get things done here because officials refuse to speak in English, even if they are fluent. How on earth do they expect people who immigrate to this country to become fluent in the language immediately? These small things, which are not so small, make it very difficult to live here. Reading your comment further confirmed my views. And thank goodness we have the privilege to move around; I'm considering moving to Paris next haha Where in France are you at the moment? You moved back, right?
Thank you for sharing your experience. Have a wonderful time over the Holidays 🫶🏼🎄
That’s lovely to hear that you’ve had the chance to travel so much this year!
I remember really enjoying the people in Greece. I was last there eight years ago, but I’d love to go back someday—soaking up the culture, the warm people, and, of course, the warm weather. 😊
Sadly, your story about that man feels all too familiar and, unfortunately, doesn’t surprise me. In my experience, people here are warm and kind with acquaintances and friends, but they can be cold or even mean to strangers. It often seems like they see anyone they don’t know as a potential threat. The administration is another headache, with so many safeguards to prevent abuse that it becomes a real pain. It feels like there’s an ingrained assumption that people will always try to cheat the system. After 12 years here, I could share countless examples, but that’s probably beside the point!
I’m still in Berlin and plan to stay for two to three more years for family and professional reasons. After that, I’ll start looking for a new place to call home.
If you’re heading to Paris, feel free to reach out (you can drop me a message on Telegram). I’d be happy to share some tips and safety advice with you.
Wishing you a wonderful holiday as well! 😊
James arghh I've just realized that you're the James from our Telegram group. Sorry! The group has grown so much that it can be hard to keep up sometimes. Okay, great. Of course you're still here because hopefully you'll join one of the next meetups 😍 But I think you said you can't make the one in January. I'll definitely let you know again about Paris. Thank you so much! I'm looking forward to sharing our experiences in more detail when we meet 🫶🏼
Your story deeply resonates with me. I embarked on my journey abroad 18 years ago, initially planning to stay for just six months, but what was meant to be temporary ended up shaping the course of my life. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the experiences I’ve had in every place I’ve lived.
I see myself as a mosaic of identities and languages, each piece contributing to the unique picture of who I’ve become.
I write about my story and inclusion challenges in The Inclusion Room.
Hi Emanuela, I really loved the part where you wrote "mosaic of identities and languages." That's such a beautiful way to put it. Mosaics are so beautiful and precious, and so are all our experiences.
By the way, how long did you end up staying, instead of the intended six months?
Thank you so much. I'll definitely check out "Inclusion Room."
Have a wonderful time over the holidays 🫶🏼🎄
I'm glad the image of the mosaic resonated with you. I’ve had a transformative journey through Europe, moving between France, Spain, the Netherlands, and back to France. How long? Perhaps 2025 will bring some new destinations!
I’m also thinking France next but let’s see 🥰 I don’t speak French but I think French would suit me haha
That' s cool!I find that there is a good quality of life in France, and I really like the language! However, you will need to be fluent in French to fully enjoy the experience here 😉
This is what worries me, haha! As you can imagine, it will take years to become truly fluent. Although I already speak English, German, and Turkish and am now learning Greek, apparently, every language helps—especially European languages. So, let’s see!
Hi Tuğba. Thank you for reminding me again of my experience. My life took a profound turn when I moved to the North of Italy at 40. The experience was nothing short of transformative. I mastered a new language, discovered a passion for teaching I never knew I had, and formed deep connections with people who remain close friends to this day.
I've come to believe that when we feel an inexplicable pull to leave a place behind, it's a sign that our karma there has run its course. The universe is nudging us toward a new destination, where we'll continue our journey of growth, self-discovery, and learning. It's a call to embark on a fresh chapter, one that promises to enrich our lives in ways we never thought possible. 🙏🏽
Happy holidays, Tuğba!
I spent 15 challenging and incredible years in Italy, and I remember when I left, some friends tried to discourage me from going. But I realized they were thinking about how my departure would affect them, not about what was best for me.
A true friend will support your decisions and wish you all the best on your new adventure. They'll bless your journey and hope for your happiness, even if it means being apart.
And remember, Tuğba, if things don't work out as planned, you can always return home. But I'm sure you'll thrive in your new journey! It’s all in your mindset! I support your decision. Happy travels.
Aw, thank you so much for all the lovely encouragement, Yolanda! In the meantime, I spoke to my best friend, and he was incredibly supportive and encouraging about my desire to move. You were absolutely right in everything you wrote. I hope your new year started well 🫶🏼
Yolanda, I was moved to tears reading your beautiful words. They came at exactly the right time for me. As much as I'm ready for my next move, I can't help but feel scared. But you're right, it's a sign of something new that will enrich our lives in both good and bad ways.
I remember you lived in Italy. We've talked about this before, and I admire your decision to challenge yourself at 40. Many people have tried to discourage me, saying I'm crazy for wanting to leave my friends behind. In fact, I recently recorded a podcast with another writer friend who's also on Substack, and we discussed midlife and the challenges of moving. I will share it beginning of January :)
Remind me again, how many years did you live in Italy? Do you still visit often?
Have a wonderful time over the holidays 🫶🏼🎄 Looking forward to connect more in the new year. Thank you so much for all your support!
Well said! Honestly think the world will be more compassionate and empathetic if we could all trade homes all over the world for a bit. Find new layers of ourselves and return seeing through new pairs of glasses
I truly wish, Janet, more people would understand this: If we examine the world around us, we see that all the wars and hatred stem from our tendency to “other” and look down on people. If we could overcome this, we'd certainly be living in a far more peaceful world. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Have a wonderful time over the holidays 🫶🏼🎄