I loved this reframe Tugba. I am 41 now. I felt very anxious about turning 40, but now, a little over a year into my forties I feel that the rebrand is accurate. I sometimes feel sad about what growing older means and the changes in my life, but a lot of the time I feel more resolute and more determined to stay true to myself and not be pushed and pulled by the external. I speak my mind more. I am definitely angry more but I don't pretend it is something else like sadness. I also find myself increasingly interested in being healthy.
Aw, it's great to read about your experience, Catriona! I'm so glad I wrote about all this and got to read all these great experiences of others turning 40. It can feel lonely when you're the first one in your current friend group to turn 40 haha Of course, I have older friends, too, but the majority are a couple of years younger. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
It's interesting to be reminded that women are often excluded from discussions about midlife crises. The term, if I'm not mistaken, was from Carl Jung and he was refferring to the end of the 20s beginning of the 30s and definitely meant it apply to both women and men.
Part of his interest in it was that he was looking at parallels in astrology and psychology. The "Lebens-Mitte Übergang" was heavily influenced by his understanding of the Saturn return.
*Addendum, Jung talked about mid-life transitions, but apparently Elliot Jaques originally coined the term mid-life crisis and drew heavily on Jung as he did.
I didn't know this! I didn't look up who came up with the term, so thank you for sharing. It's really fascinating. I may read up on this more. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Sebastian. Hope you are enjoying the bank holiday today 🖤
I loved this. And taking the branding of our midlife process out of the hands of others (often men) is a crucial step in our own empowerment and ownership. For me it was a slow midlife awakening followed my a bit of a rebirth. Sure, parts remain. But I feel like SUCH a different person now at 56. I think if I had limited my experience to the narrow confines of “midlife crisis” my journey thus far would have been more of a struggle mentally and far more bland.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Nancy. Also, thank you for sharing your experience. Having different experiences and perspectives is important because there isn't just one way for things to be. I found it very interesting that it was a slow process for you, leading to a rebirth. Did something significant happen to trigger the rebirth? Of course, you don't have to share, but I felt like I had a rebirth at 30 when I broke up with my ex of 9 years. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Isn’t that so true? We have multiple rebirths during our adult years, I believe.
I think it was slow for me because I was staying in an unhealthy relationship and trying so hard to make it fit and when I finally decided to call it over for good it was like things just snapped into place. Like my whole being just sighed and said, “ok now that that’s out of the way we can move on in the direction we’ve been meaning to go for awhile now.” So it was a slow process as well as a night and day process, if that makes sense. And it’s by no means over. I think these years are very much about constantly letting go of outgrown identities and questioning what truly works for us. When I lean into that reality, I love it. When I’m looking for stable and familiar, not so much. 😊
The cartoon asking a woman if we have a midlife crisis says so much about society.
As women we have a biological “crisis” we have menopause, which I would say is the ultimate change in our midlife. Not only regarding the end to our reproductive years but also what it means to our health and longevity. It’s a huge huge change, emotionally, physically and it’s not talked about nearly enough.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Last note- one thing I heard recently is that female writers are valued more and more as they age. 💕 keep writing and by our senior years our books will be flying off the shelves!
The funny thing is, I didn’t even think of menopause when writing this. I was only considering the fertility aspect, but there is so much more to menopause than just fertility. I agree with everything you said. Even my mum didn't talk to us much about her experience. I've started asking her more and more questions, but it still seems like women don't talk about it much to each other.
Yay on the more established female writers when they age. Have a beautiful rest of the week, baby 🖤
Congratulations on reaching the top of the hill. I remember resembling the Grinch at the time. 22 years later life is resoundingly better and happier. It seems it's much easier and more enjoyable going down the hill than it is in climbing it. Well at least for me :D
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on turning 40 Tugba. I used to think that I didn’t want children, but when my sister had a child I really bonded with my niece, and then I met my husband, I couldn’t imagine not having children with him. I hope that whatever you decide for your next chapter makes you happy. Happiness is after all the whole point to this thing we call life!
P.s. I loved the whirling dervishes when I saw them in Konya too. Mesmerising!
Wow, thank you for sharing, Selda. It's very interesting that you changed your mind after bonding with your niece. That is amazing! It's great that there is more than one way to experience and live life. Sometimes, things happen totally not as planned, and that is the beauty of life. Even when writing this post, I thought, "I’m only putting a semicolon haha as there will probably be a lot more coming on this topic as we continuously evolve.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤 Selamlar!
Thank you for sharing your story. I agree, the female version of the midlife reawakening is under documented and rarely discussed. Sometimes we awaken in stages. Personally I had a life upheaval that prompted a chain of events that is still unfolding 7 years later. All I know is I’d never want to go back to a former version of myself. Life just keeps getting better and better!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Amy! I appreciate you sharing your experience. I agree that it still needs to be talked about more, and it is easy to feel alone when confusion hits. Just by reading the comments on my post, I already feel a sense of relief knowing that we all go through these things. I’m so excited about what is to come next. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Thank you, Tuğba for your beautiful article. All I can say is, when I turned 40 it was an opportunity to look at my life with different lens. I asked myself what I wanted to do moving forward. I lived in Italy for 15 years and traveled around. After 40, every day counts and as time passes, you will be wiser and will embrace life differently.
Thank you, Yolanda. You are absolutely right. There is a certain urgency to things, but not in a negative way. It's more of a positive urgency to make changes and not wait anymore. Where did you move after Italy? I'm always curious to hear about the big life changes fellow women have experienced.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Have a beautiful start to the week 🖤
Another wonderful post Tugba (the meme at the end got me 🤣) I think the decade of 40s is one that is talked about the least across all media, literature, film, etc. Have you read All Fours by Miranda July? It's a bit of a wild book but it essentially is about a woman in her 40s going through physical and mental changes and trying to make sense of it all. It was the first time I read a book about that specific time period in such raw detail. Part of it were quite harrowing (as well as hilarious). Anyway, I loved your idea of renaming the term midlife crisis.
Yaay, someone liked the meme at the end 🖤 No, I have not read "All Fours," but I'm getting it right now on my Kindle. The only book I ever read was a couple of weeks ago -> "Confessions of a Forty-Something F**k Up" It was hilarious, and there is a second part to it which I will also read.
Also, the person mentioned in the post on Torschlusspanik was our dear Lisa 🖤
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, my sunshine. Have a beautiful start to the week. Love you!
I may have summoned this post. I’m approaching 40 on October 25. I’m beginning to a wonder if perhaps my many existential tensions about relationships and kids and career and creative projects may all be tied to the fact that I’ll be 40 this year. An age that my inner children find to be unfathomably old even while I feel still very youthful. I can barely muster the courage to invite all of the people I love to come celebrate with me. This age feels too big and I’m annoyed by that… it’s just 40. And maybe there’s nothing “just” about 40. Parts of me know I have my best years ahead. Other parts of me dread this turning. It’s more challenging to hold than I expected. Thank you for this almost eerily on time piece. 🤍
I feel you so much, Jax! We should also reconsider society's expectations of how a 40-year-old should be, as it's pretty outdated. I was uncertain about celebrating my birthday this year, too. Last year, I told my friends I wanted to spend it alone and not make a big deal. However, looking back, I'm happy I surrounded myself with my favourite people that day. As we all sat together for dinner, I realised how fortunate I'm to have met such amazing people in my 40 years.
Agreed -- in some ways I'm living the life I dreamed of living in my mid-20's as an artist entrepreneuer. There were dragons I had to befriend to give myself permission to do that. Guess I'll be befriending more. :) Thanks for the inspiration to get these invitations out the door. And for the article!
It's like you're writing about my life, Jax... stop, hahaha I also feel like I'm living the life I always dreamt of as a teenager and in my 20s. Isn't it amazing that we can now say this? Writing this just now makes me even more grateful. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Totally get it. I'm still trying to figure out how precisely one is supposed to be 40. I figure I'll get the hang of being 40 well into my 50s.
There's definitely a call for recalibration with each important milestone. I think it only elevates to the level of crisis if we find ourselves in too compromising a place. That can be terrifying, but I think the risk of that can be mitigated by doing what we can do to be more deliberate.
Love that James haha -> "how one is supposed to be 40"
Society's views need to be updated when we consider how someone is supposed to be at 40. I thought about this after reading a post from a lovely 90-year-old lady https://katharineestyphd.substack.com/p/whats-too-old. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Have a beautiful start to the week 🖤
When I turned 30 and broke up with my partner of 9 years, I was also going through a period of self-reflection. I think it's normal for this to happen every couple of years, either when we hit a significant age milestone or when major life changes occur. I appreciate what you wrote -> it's something to look forward to instead of fearing.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Lionel. Have a beautiful start to the week 🖤
Ah, so lovely Tuğba. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I'm going through somewhat of a midlife calibration at the moment (a touch earlier than 40) where I'm starting to find joy in the garden and with the natural world. Embarking on a career of horticulture is very much on my mind at the moment.. Here's to recalibrating! 🥂
Aw, I loved reading about your plans to pursue a career in horticulture, Simon. It's amazing! I'm also contemplating my next career move after spending over 15 years in the corporate world. I'm giving it a couple more years before trying something completely different.
Please keep sharing your experience along the way 🖤
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! Have a beautiful start to the week.
I loved this reframe Tugba. I am 41 now. I felt very anxious about turning 40, but now, a little over a year into my forties I feel that the rebrand is accurate. I sometimes feel sad about what growing older means and the changes in my life, but a lot of the time I feel more resolute and more determined to stay true to myself and not be pushed and pulled by the external. I speak my mind more. I am definitely angry more but I don't pretend it is something else like sadness. I also find myself increasingly interested in being healthy.
Aw, it's great to read about your experience, Catriona! I'm so glad I wrote about all this and got to read all these great experiences of others turning 40. It can feel lonely when you're the first one in your current friend group to turn 40 haha Of course, I have older friends, too, but the majority are a couple of years younger. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Xue. I appreciate the support! Have a beautiful day 🖤
It's interesting to be reminded that women are often excluded from discussions about midlife crises. The term, if I'm not mistaken, was from Carl Jung and he was refferring to the end of the 20s beginning of the 30s and definitely meant it apply to both women and men.
Part of his interest in it was that he was looking at parallels in astrology and psychology. The "Lebens-Mitte Übergang" was heavily influenced by his understanding of the Saturn return.
*Addendum, Jung talked about mid-life transitions, but apparently Elliot Jaques originally coined the term mid-life crisis and drew heavily on Jung as he did.
I didn't know this! I didn't look up who came up with the term, so thank you for sharing. It's really fascinating. I may read up on this more. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Sebastian. Hope you are enjoying the bank holiday today 🖤
No bank holiday in Vienna today, but wishing you good ease and rest in Berlin!
Let me/us know what you find. I'm curious if you'll find some avenues I don't know yet.
Awww sorry haha I just assumed you live in Germany because of your name! Anyway, have a beautiful evening then 🥰
I loved this. And taking the branding of our midlife process out of the hands of others (often men) is a crucial step in our own empowerment and ownership. For me it was a slow midlife awakening followed my a bit of a rebirth. Sure, parts remain. But I feel like SUCH a different person now at 56. I think if I had limited my experience to the narrow confines of “midlife crisis” my journey thus far would have been more of a struggle mentally and far more bland.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Nancy. Also, thank you for sharing your experience. Having different experiences and perspectives is important because there isn't just one way for things to be. I found it very interesting that it was a slow process for you, leading to a rebirth. Did something significant happen to trigger the rebirth? Of course, you don't have to share, but I felt like I had a rebirth at 30 when I broke up with my ex of 9 years. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Isn’t that so true? We have multiple rebirths during our adult years, I believe.
I think it was slow for me because I was staying in an unhealthy relationship and trying so hard to make it fit and when I finally decided to call it over for good it was like things just snapped into place. Like my whole being just sighed and said, “ok now that that’s out of the way we can move on in the direction we’ve been meaning to go for awhile now.” So it was a slow process as well as a night and day process, if that makes sense. And it’s by no means over. I think these years are very much about constantly letting go of outgrown identities and questioning what truly works for us. When I lean into that reality, I love it. When I’m looking for stable and familiar, not so much. 😊
The cartoon asking a woman if we have a midlife crisis says so much about society.
As women we have a biological “crisis” we have menopause, which I would say is the ultimate change in our midlife. Not only regarding the end to our reproductive years but also what it means to our health and longevity. It’s a huge huge change, emotionally, physically and it’s not talked about nearly enough.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Last note- one thing I heard recently is that female writers are valued more and more as they age. 💕 keep writing and by our senior years our books will be flying off the shelves!
The funny thing is, I didn’t even think of menopause when writing this. I was only considering the fertility aspect, but there is so much more to menopause than just fertility. I agree with everything you said. Even my mum didn't talk to us much about her experience. I've started asking her more and more questions, but it still seems like women don't talk about it much to each other.
Yay on the more established female writers when they age. Have a beautiful rest of the week, baby 🖤
This article was great, absolutely wonderful to read. How interesting that a number holds so much 'power' and traditions!
Thank you Barbs for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
Congratulations on reaching the top of the hill. I remember resembling the Grinch at the time. 22 years later life is resoundingly better and happier. It seems it's much easier and more enjoyable going down the hill than it is in climbing it. Well at least for me :D
😅 grinch haha!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Jerry. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on turning 40 Tugba. I used to think that I didn’t want children, but when my sister had a child I really bonded with my niece, and then I met my husband, I couldn’t imagine not having children with him. I hope that whatever you decide for your next chapter makes you happy. Happiness is after all the whole point to this thing we call life!
P.s. I loved the whirling dervishes when I saw them in Konya too. Mesmerising!
Wow, thank you for sharing, Selda. It's very interesting that you changed your mind after bonding with your niece. That is amazing! It's great that there is more than one way to experience and live life. Sometimes, things happen totally not as planned, and that is the beauty of life. Even when writing this post, I thought, "I’m only putting a semicolon haha as there will probably be a lot more coming on this topic as we continuously evolve.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤 Selamlar!
Thank you for sharing your story. I agree, the female version of the midlife reawakening is under documented and rarely discussed. Sometimes we awaken in stages. Personally I had a life upheaval that prompted a chain of events that is still unfolding 7 years later. All I know is I’d never want to go back to a former version of myself. Life just keeps getting better and better!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Amy! I appreciate you sharing your experience. I agree that it still needs to be talked about more, and it is easy to feel alone when confusion hits. Just by reading the comments on my post, I already feel a sense of relief knowing that we all go through these things. I’m so excited about what is to come next. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Thank you, Tuğba for your beautiful article. All I can say is, when I turned 40 it was an opportunity to look at my life with different lens. I asked myself what I wanted to do moving forward. I lived in Italy for 15 years and traveled around. After 40, every day counts and as time passes, you will be wiser and will embrace life differently.
Thank you, Yolanda. You are absolutely right. There is a certain urgency to things, but not in a negative way. It's more of a positive urgency to make changes and not wait anymore. Where did you move after Italy? I'm always curious to hear about the big life changes fellow women have experienced.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment. Have a beautiful start to the week 🖤
This is beautiful, Tugba, loved it
Aww, thank you, my love, for taking the time to read and comment 🖤 Have a beautiful start to the week!
Another wonderful post Tugba (the meme at the end got me 🤣) I think the decade of 40s is one that is talked about the least across all media, literature, film, etc. Have you read All Fours by Miranda July? It's a bit of a wild book but it essentially is about a woman in her 40s going through physical and mental changes and trying to make sense of it all. It was the first time I read a book about that specific time period in such raw detail. Part of it were quite harrowing (as well as hilarious). Anyway, I loved your idea of renaming the term midlife crisis.
Wow I bought all fours a couple of days ago, but I totally forgot haha
Ahhhh amazing. It’s such a crazy book, can’t wait to hear what you think
I'll keep you posted 🖤
Yaay, someone liked the meme at the end 🖤 No, I have not read "All Fours," but I'm getting it right now on my Kindle. The only book I ever read was a couple of weeks ago -> "Confessions of a Forty-Something F**k Up" It was hilarious, and there is a second part to it which I will also read.
Also, the person mentioned in the post on Torschlusspanik was our dear Lisa 🖤
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, my sunshine. Have a beautiful start to the week. Love you!
I may have summoned this post. I’m approaching 40 on October 25. I’m beginning to a wonder if perhaps my many existential tensions about relationships and kids and career and creative projects may all be tied to the fact that I’ll be 40 this year. An age that my inner children find to be unfathomably old even while I feel still very youthful. I can barely muster the courage to invite all of the people I love to come celebrate with me. This age feels too big and I’m annoyed by that… it’s just 40. And maybe there’s nothing “just” about 40. Parts of me know I have my best years ahead. Other parts of me dread this turning. It’s more challenging to hold than I expected. Thank you for this almost eerily on time piece. 🤍
I feel you so much, Jax! We should also reconsider society's expectations of how a 40-year-old should be, as it's pretty outdated. I was uncertain about celebrating my birthday this year, too. Last year, I told my friends I wanted to spend it alone and not make a big deal. However, looking back, I'm happy I surrounded myself with my favourite people that day. As we all sat together for dinner, I realised how fortunate I'm to have met such amazing people in my 40 years.
I have shared this post several times in my comments, but it was so helpful when I read it a couple of weeks ago: https://katharineestyphd.substack.com/p/whats-too-old
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Have a beautiful start to the week🖤
Agreed -- in some ways I'm living the life I dreamed of living in my mid-20's as an artist entrepreneuer. There were dragons I had to befriend to give myself permission to do that. Guess I'll be befriending more. :) Thanks for the inspiration to get these invitations out the door. And for the article!
It's like you're writing about my life, Jax... stop, hahaha I also feel like I'm living the life I always dreamt of as a teenager and in my 20s. Isn't it amazing that we can now say this? Writing this just now makes me even more grateful. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Totally get it. I'm still trying to figure out how precisely one is supposed to be 40. I figure I'll get the hang of being 40 well into my 50s.
There's definitely a call for recalibration with each important milestone. I think it only elevates to the level of crisis if we find ourselves in too compromising a place. That can be terrifying, but I think the risk of that can be mitigated by doing what we can do to be more deliberate.
Love that James haha -> "how one is supposed to be 40"
Society's views need to be updated when we consider how someone is supposed to be at 40. I thought about this after reading a post from a lovely 90-year-old lady https://katharineestyphd.substack.com/p/whats-too-old. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Have a beautiful start to the week 🖤
Thanks for sharing this, Tugba. I'm going through something similar in my early 30s, but it's not my first rodeo either!
I now embrace life crises as opportunities to reevaluate and reconsider my path. It's something everyone should look forward to instead of fearing.
When I turned 30 and broke up with my partner of 9 years, I was also going through a period of self-reflection. I think it's normal for this to happen every couple of years, either when we hit a significant age milestone or when major life changes occur. I appreciate what you wrote -> it's something to look forward to instead of fearing.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Lionel. Have a beautiful start to the week 🖤
Ah, so lovely Tuğba. Thank you for sharing something so personal. I'm going through somewhat of a midlife calibration at the moment (a touch earlier than 40) where I'm starting to find joy in the garden and with the natural world. Embarking on a career of horticulture is very much on my mind at the moment.. Here's to recalibrating! 🥂
Aw, I loved reading about your plans to pursue a career in horticulture, Simon. It's amazing! I'm also contemplating my next career move after spending over 15 years in the corporate world. I'm giving it a couple more years before trying something completely different.
Please keep sharing your experience along the way 🖤
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! Have a beautiful start to the week.