Loved the read, Tugba; I feel so connected by the fact that I also do lots of reading when trying to open up perspectives about anything worrying me. Thanks for bringing this to the table ✨
Really like the reframing idea. I think I had a quarter life awareness and ever since thought that my midlife awareness would be much less critical. But I guess this is something that we can only grasp fully a bit retrospectively. But I'm glad that your process lead to clarity - which I feel is in itself a very positive outcome.
Thank you baby 🖤 Honestly, this reframing has been super helpful; I feel so much better about the future. I’m surprised by how sometimes writing about these things is so therapeutic. Have a great start to the week!
This is a fascinating read. I really enjoyed turning 40 - it felt like a real 'adult' milestone - an actual coming of age, I suppose. Honestly, the years since have been tumultuous (I'm now 43). Not because of my age, but I think the sense of 'time passing' has added a further dimension to the instability. But also, as you suggest, perhaps midlife is a natural time of reconfiguration. A return to a more fluid state as we shift internal and external expectations. And maybe this is more profound for women as we navigate the ebbs and flows of our hormonal evolution. Thought provoking stuff, thanks.
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment, Amy. I was discussing with a friend how little knowledge there is about hormonal changes after 40 and how they impact us. In general, I believe there is very little information available about women, period haha Have you found some good resources to read on this? My mum was already in menopause in her early forties, but she had als other health problems that could have triggered it. Have a great start to the week 🖤
My forties were brutal. Anxious, low and fractuous times - I wouldn't change them for the world. At 50, I feel that they forged me into a less selfish, more together and happier person. I picked up many friends on the way, I was too busy being important in my 30s. Thanks for the post.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Andy! Wow, thanks also for sharing. Anxiety-wise, my early 30s were probably the worst, but now, after having done on-and-off therapy for over ten years, that part is a bit better. What made you feel better in your 50s, if I may ask? Was it purely ageing and being wiser, or did you do some work too? Happy Sunday 🖤
I made a pact with myself to be a happy 50 year old then I worked towards it. I didn’t mean this to be a plug but I have written about it for a book called “New Wild Order” which will be out in Feb 2025. In short, I tried to do all the things I thought were missing and got rid of the things that were harmful. I sang, I mircodosed, I camped naked, starved myself and awaited a vision, gave up furnture and sugar, stopped drinking so much, quit smoking, ate well, drummed and finally quite social media to spend more time sitting under trees.
Wooow that is so inspiring, Andy. Will the book also talk about all the experiences you have had? I would love to read it. I love micro-dosing lol on that note
Thank you for the beautiful glimpse into Sufi culture!
I felt a strange and wondrous sense of accomplishment about making to 40 in one piece, as in, well done, you! I’m Russian, in our part of the world you generally didn’t expect good things to happen by default, so being alive, safe and loved feels like a bit of a revelation, kind of like that last meme.
I’m so happy you enjoyed it 🥰 I find it fascinating how different cultures worldwide think so differently about these topics. I wish someone would write a book about worldwide beliefs, customs and traditions. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Happy Sunday 🖤
Oh yeah. Which day are you? Still Taurus? I’m 6th May, so Taurus. Best star sign haha Happy belated to you, too. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I am "only" 35, but I've been having these same thoughts. When people tell me I am too young I always think about my mother passing at 50, and I operate on a different timeline because of that. I feel as if I have been passing through a wall of grief for a while, ambiguous grief, vaguely tied to the departure of the youthful illusion of endless possibility, a sort of collapse of dreams that have become obsolete. I believe I am walking towards the other side now. Still not sure what finds me there, but know now it isn't a closed door.
Tamara, thank you for sharing. Wow, 50 is very young. I'm sorry to hear about your mother! The mere thought of my own mother passing away fills me with immense pain.
I went to my friend's birthday yesterday, and she also turned 40. I asked her how she felt, and she said she felt amazing and was very excited. I asked her if she felt confused about where her life was heading, but she basically said that since her cancer treatment five years ago, every day of her life has been a blessing for her. It is a gift to be alive! Having gone through the treatment but also being on the edge of death changed her whole perspective on life.
I will read the post you shared. Thank you so much for that, but also, thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I loved this reframe Tugba. I am 41 now. I felt very anxious about turning 40, but now, a little over a year into my forties I feel that the rebrand is accurate. I sometimes feel sad about what growing older means and the changes in my life, but a lot of the time I feel more resolute and more determined to stay true to myself and not be pushed and pulled by the external. I speak my mind more. I am definitely angry more but I don't pretend it is something else like sadness. I also find myself increasingly interested in being healthy.
Aw, it's great to read about your experience, Catriona! I'm so glad I wrote about all this and got to read all these great experiences of others turning 40. It can feel lonely when you're the first one in your current friend group to turn 40 haha Of course, I have older friends, too, but the majority are a couple of years younger. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
It's interesting to be reminded that women are often excluded from discussions about midlife crises. The term, if I'm not mistaken, was from Carl Jung and he was refferring to the end of the 20s beginning of the 30s and definitely meant it apply to both women and men.
Part of his interest in it was that he was looking at parallels in astrology and psychology. The "Lebens-Mitte Übergang" was heavily influenced by his understanding of the Saturn return.
*Addendum, Jung talked about mid-life transitions, but apparently Elliot Jaques originally coined the term mid-life crisis and drew heavily on Jung as he did.
I didn't know this! I didn't look up who came up with the term, so thank you for sharing. It's really fascinating. I may read up on this more. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Sebastian. Hope you are enjoying the bank holiday today 🖤
I loved this. And taking the branding of our midlife process out of the hands of others (often men) is a crucial step in our own empowerment and ownership. For me it was a slow midlife awakening followed my a bit of a rebirth. Sure, parts remain. But I feel like SUCH a different person now at 56. I think if I had limited my experience to the narrow confines of “midlife crisis” my journey thus far would have been more of a struggle mentally and far more bland.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Nancy. Also, thank you for sharing your experience. Having different experiences and perspectives is important because there isn't just one way for things to be. I found it very interesting that it was a slow process for you, leading to a rebirth. Did something significant happen to trigger the rebirth? Of course, you don't have to share, but I felt like I had a rebirth at 30 when I broke up with my ex of 9 years. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Isn’t that so true? We have multiple rebirths during our adult years, I believe.
I think it was slow for me because I was staying in an unhealthy relationship and trying so hard to make it fit and when I finally decided to call it over for good it was like things just snapped into place. Like my whole being just sighed and said, “ok now that that’s out of the way we can move on in the direction we’ve been meaning to go for awhile now.” So it was a slow process as well as a night and day process, if that makes sense. And it’s by no means over. I think these years are very much about constantly letting go of outgrown identities and questioning what truly works for us. When I lean into that reality, I love it. When I’m looking for stable and familiar, not so much. 😊
That is very true, Nancy. I was saying to a friend that these days, it is more unlearning than learning haha I’m so glad things have worked out for you. Whether it is slow or super slow, it doesn’t matter. You managed to turn things around, and that is what counts. We can only do and change things when we are ready for it. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
The cartoon asking a woman if we have a midlife crisis says so much about society.
As women we have a biological “crisis” we have menopause, which I would say is the ultimate change in our midlife. Not only regarding the end to our reproductive years but also what it means to our health and longevity. It’s a huge huge change, emotionally, physically and it’s not talked about nearly enough.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Last note- one thing I heard recently is that female writers are valued more and more as they age. 💕 keep writing and by our senior years our books will be flying off the shelves!
The funny thing is, I didn’t even think of menopause when writing this. I was only considering the fertility aspect, but there is so much more to menopause than just fertility. I agree with everything you said. Even my mum didn't talk to us much about her experience. I've started asking her more and more questions, but it still seems like women don't talk about it much to each other.
Yay on the more established female writers when they age. Have a beautiful rest of the week, baby 🖤
Congratulations on reaching the top of the hill. I remember resembling the Grinch at the time. 22 years later life is resoundingly better and happier. It seems it's much easier and more enjoyable going down the hill than it is in climbing it. Well at least for me :D
HSBC's advertisement at Heathrow says it brilliantly: is it a midlife crisis or midlife opportunity? We choose the wording and with that, our mindset.
Wow, I love it Raksha haha Thank you for sharing. So HSBC is aligned with my thinking. Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading 🖤
Loved the read, Tugba; I feel so connected by the fact that I also do lots of reading when trying to open up perspectives about anything worrying me. Thanks for bringing this to the table ✨
Awww love that haha I mean that you also read to make sense of things! I feel seen, Ane 🥰 thank you for taking the time to read and share!
Really like the reframing idea. I think I had a quarter life awareness and ever since thought that my midlife awareness would be much less critical. But I guess this is something that we can only grasp fully a bit retrospectively. But I'm glad that your process lead to clarity - which I feel is in itself a very positive outcome.
Thank you baby 🖤 Honestly, this reframing has been super helpful; I feel so much better about the future. I’m surprised by how sometimes writing about these things is so therapeutic. Have a great start to the week!
This is a fascinating read. I really enjoyed turning 40 - it felt like a real 'adult' milestone - an actual coming of age, I suppose. Honestly, the years since have been tumultuous (I'm now 43). Not because of my age, but I think the sense of 'time passing' has added a further dimension to the instability. But also, as you suggest, perhaps midlife is a natural time of reconfiguration. A return to a more fluid state as we shift internal and external expectations. And maybe this is more profound for women as we navigate the ebbs and flows of our hormonal evolution. Thought provoking stuff, thanks.
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment, Amy. I was discussing with a friend how little knowledge there is about hormonal changes after 40 and how they impact us. In general, I believe there is very little information available about women, period haha Have you found some good resources to read on this? My mum was already in menopause in her early forties, but she had als other health problems that could have triggered it. Have a great start to the week 🖤
My forties were brutal. Anxious, low and fractuous times - I wouldn't change them for the world. At 50, I feel that they forged me into a less selfish, more together and happier person. I picked up many friends on the way, I was too busy being important in my 30s. Thanks for the post.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Andy! Wow, thanks also for sharing. Anxiety-wise, my early 30s were probably the worst, but now, after having done on-and-off therapy for over ten years, that part is a bit better. What made you feel better in your 50s, if I may ask? Was it purely ageing and being wiser, or did you do some work too? Happy Sunday 🖤
I made a pact with myself to be a happy 50 year old then I worked towards it. I didn’t mean this to be a plug but I have written about it for a book called “New Wild Order” which will be out in Feb 2025. In short, I tried to do all the things I thought were missing and got rid of the things that were harmful. I sang, I mircodosed, I camped naked, starved myself and awaited a vision, gave up furnture and sugar, stopped drinking so much, quit smoking, ate well, drummed and finally quite social media to spend more time sitting under trees.
Wooow that is so inspiring, Andy. Will the book also talk about all the experiences you have had? I would love to read it. I love micro-dosing lol on that note
Thank you for the beautiful glimpse into Sufi culture!
I felt a strange and wondrous sense of accomplishment about making to 40 in one piece, as in, well done, you! I’m Russian, in our part of the world you generally didn’t expect good things to happen by default, so being alive, safe and loved feels like a bit of a revelation, kind of like that last meme.
I’m so happy you enjoyed it 🥰 I find it fascinating how different cultures worldwide think so differently about these topics. I wish someone would write a book about worldwide beliefs, customs and traditions. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Happy Sunday 🖤
Lovely Sunday to you too!
Birthday month twin - I turned 40 in May as well! I was SO glad to leave my 30s behind, whew 😅 Happy (quiet) belated birthday!
Wonderful article and thoughts. ♥️
Oh yeah. Which day are you? Still Taurus? I’m 6th May, so Taurus. Best star sign haha Happy belated to you, too. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
Taurus twin too!! Yay! 😃
yaaaayy best star sign haha 🖤 I also get on so well with other Taruruses
I am "only" 35, but I've been having these same thoughts. When people tell me I am too young I always think about my mother passing at 50, and I operate on a different timeline because of that. I feel as if I have been passing through a wall of grief for a while, ambiguous grief, vaguely tied to the departure of the youthful illusion of endless possibility, a sort of collapse of dreams that have become obsolete. I believe I am walking towards the other side now. Still not sure what finds me there, but know now it isn't a closed door.
Thanks for writing vulnerable post! I kept coming back to this article this year, that also talks about a similar reframing: https://annehelen.substack.com/p/are-you-in-the-portal.
Tamara, thank you for sharing. Wow, 50 is very young. I'm sorry to hear about your mother! The mere thought of my own mother passing away fills me with immense pain.
I went to my friend's birthday yesterday, and she also turned 40. I asked her how she felt, and she said she felt amazing and was very excited. I asked her if she felt confused about where her life was heading, but she basically said that since her cancer treatment five years ago, every day of her life has been a blessing for her. It is a gift to be alive! Having gone through the treatment but also being on the edge of death changed her whole perspective on life.
I will read the post you shared. Thank you so much for that, but also, thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I love the idea of reframing💞 I’m going thru a quarter life reawakening!! Quarter life recalibration!! Yes☺️🌟
Yesss. Thank you for taking the time to read. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I loved this reframe Tugba. I am 41 now. I felt very anxious about turning 40, but now, a little over a year into my forties I feel that the rebrand is accurate. I sometimes feel sad about what growing older means and the changes in my life, but a lot of the time I feel more resolute and more determined to stay true to myself and not be pushed and pulled by the external. I speak my mind more. I am definitely angry more but I don't pretend it is something else like sadness. I also find myself increasingly interested in being healthy.
Aw, it's great to read about your experience, Catriona! I'm so glad I wrote about all this and got to read all these great experiences of others turning 40. It can feel lonely when you're the first one in your current friend group to turn 40 haha Of course, I have older friends, too, but the majority are a couple of years younger. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Xue. I appreciate the support! Have a beautiful day 🖤
It's interesting to be reminded that women are often excluded from discussions about midlife crises. The term, if I'm not mistaken, was from Carl Jung and he was refferring to the end of the 20s beginning of the 30s and definitely meant it apply to both women and men.
Part of his interest in it was that he was looking at parallels in astrology and psychology. The "Lebens-Mitte Übergang" was heavily influenced by his understanding of the Saturn return.
*Addendum, Jung talked about mid-life transitions, but apparently Elliot Jaques originally coined the term mid-life crisis and drew heavily on Jung as he did.
I didn't know this! I didn't look up who came up with the term, so thank you for sharing. It's really fascinating. I may read up on this more. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Sebastian. Hope you are enjoying the bank holiday today 🖤
No bank holiday in Vienna today, but wishing you good ease and rest in Berlin!
Let me/us know what you find. I'm curious if you'll find some avenues I don't know yet.
Awww sorry haha I just assumed you live in Germany because of your name! Anyway, have a beautiful evening then 🥰
I loved this. And taking the branding of our midlife process out of the hands of others (often men) is a crucial step in our own empowerment and ownership. For me it was a slow midlife awakening followed my a bit of a rebirth. Sure, parts remain. But I feel like SUCH a different person now at 56. I think if I had limited my experience to the narrow confines of “midlife crisis” my journey thus far would have been more of a struggle mentally and far more bland.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Nancy. Also, thank you for sharing your experience. Having different experiences and perspectives is important because there isn't just one way for things to be. I found it very interesting that it was a slow process for you, leading to a rebirth. Did something significant happen to trigger the rebirth? Of course, you don't have to share, but I felt like I had a rebirth at 30 when I broke up with my ex of 9 years. Have a beautiful day 🖤
Isn’t that so true? We have multiple rebirths during our adult years, I believe.
I think it was slow for me because I was staying in an unhealthy relationship and trying so hard to make it fit and when I finally decided to call it over for good it was like things just snapped into place. Like my whole being just sighed and said, “ok now that that’s out of the way we can move on in the direction we’ve been meaning to go for awhile now.” So it was a slow process as well as a night and day process, if that makes sense. And it’s by no means over. I think these years are very much about constantly letting go of outgrown identities and questioning what truly works for us. When I lean into that reality, I love it. When I’m looking for stable and familiar, not so much. 😊
That is very true, Nancy. I was saying to a friend that these days, it is more unlearning than learning haha I’m so glad things have worked out for you. Whether it is slow or super slow, it doesn’t matter. You managed to turn things around, and that is what counts. We can only do and change things when we are ready for it. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
The cartoon asking a woman if we have a midlife crisis says so much about society.
As women we have a biological “crisis” we have menopause, which I would say is the ultimate change in our midlife. Not only regarding the end to our reproductive years but also what it means to our health and longevity. It’s a huge huge change, emotionally, physically and it’s not talked about nearly enough.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Last note- one thing I heard recently is that female writers are valued more and more as they age. 💕 keep writing and by our senior years our books will be flying off the shelves!
The funny thing is, I didn’t even think of menopause when writing this. I was only considering the fertility aspect, but there is so much more to menopause than just fertility. I agree with everything you said. Even my mum didn't talk to us much about her experience. I've started asking her more and more questions, but it still seems like women don't talk about it much to each other.
Yay on the more established female writers when they age. Have a beautiful rest of the week, baby 🖤
This article was great, absolutely wonderful to read. How interesting that a number holds so much 'power' and traditions!
Thank you Barbs for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
Congratulations on reaching the top of the hill. I remember resembling the Grinch at the time. 22 years later life is resoundingly better and happier. It seems it's much easier and more enjoyable going down the hill than it is in climbing it. Well at least for me :D
😅 grinch haha!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Jerry. Have a beautiful day 🖤