You found the most amazing words about turning 40, reaching “middle age” and the typical midlife crisis. As someone closer to 40 than 30 this was a really interesting read. 🧡
Hello Tuğba! I'm Danielle, also living in Berlin. I work here as a writer and artist, prior to that I lived in NYC and worked as a psychotherapist. My friend showed me your page and said, you two share a lot of the same interests and also mentioned you might be hosting a writing meet up group? In any case, I wanted to say hello and would love to connect more if you're up for it, either here or even better in person. Midlife is a theme I am facing head on now, writing more about through personal essays and eventually a larger scale work to work through all the fun stuff coming up. I think midlife awakening as you put it, is a great way to re-conceptualize this time and break out of rigid societal notions and narratives. I am also focusing on what midlife looks like for a woman who takes a non-traditional path in life, the modern woman who may have not chosen marriage or children and/or who may have lived a life that is more free than what has been allowed in times past. All interesting stuff and even more interesting to work out together. Cheers!
Hi Danielle, lovely to meet you :) I’m traveling at the moment and will be off sailing tomorrow, but I wanted to share the link to our next meetup: https://lu.ma/ri8xblsy. You definitely need to join — I’d love for us to meet in person!
I’ll also DM you the link to our Telegram group. We’re now a community of 100 writers, and it would be amazing to have you join us. If you can't make it to the upcoming meetup, no worries — I’ll be back from my travels on April 1st and would love to grab a coffee with you then. So nice that your friend connected us!
Also, it’s really comforting to hear you're going through similar emotions. Makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Wishing you a wonderful Sunday!
This is so interesting. I am about a year behind you and also kind of freaking out about turning 40 this year. You're right most research so far is pretty male centric but I recently found this article detailing that the midlife Crisis is no longer a think - I hope it's ok to share the link here. https://www.interdependence.org/blog/the-global-loss-of-the-u-shaped-curve-of-happiness/
Of course, lol! Share whatever you like—I’m always happy to read about this topic. I don’t think I’m done with it yet, haha! As I mentioned in another message, I’m turning 41 this year… arghh, haha! I mean, yaaay! 😆 Thank you for the article!
"Turning 40 is a significant milestone in Sufi culture as it signifies the transition to full maturity, both physically and spiritually. This milestone is rooted in Islamic teachings and broader spiritual rituals. Prophet Muhammad received his first revelation at the age of 40, making it a symbol of transitioning into a deeper phase of life."
I read this after I commented on your more recent post (from which this post was linked). I wish the Sufi reverance for aging that you describe here was more pervasive in all societies!
Right? As I delved deeper into the subject, I was disheartened by the vast disparity between most societies and the Sufi way of thinking. We place excessive importance on physical appearance and maintaining youth, while neglecting to appreciate the positive aspects of aging. The more I recognize this, the more I understand how detrimental some of the things we face, particularly on social media, can be to our wellbeing. Thank you so much Lori for reading. Have a wonderful weekend 🫶🏼
Loved the read, Tugba; I feel so connected by the fact that I also do lots of reading when trying to open up perspectives about anything worrying me. Thanks for bringing this to the table ✨
Really like the reframing idea. I think I had a quarter life awareness and ever since thought that my midlife awareness would be much less critical. But I guess this is something that we can only grasp fully a bit retrospectively. But I'm glad that your process lead to clarity - which I feel is in itself a very positive outcome.
Thank you baby 🖤 Honestly, this reframing has been super helpful; I feel so much better about the future. I’m surprised by how sometimes writing about these things is so therapeutic. Have a great start to the week!
This is a fascinating read. I really enjoyed turning 40 - it felt like a real 'adult' milestone - an actual coming of age, I suppose. Honestly, the years since have been tumultuous (I'm now 43). Not because of my age, but I think the sense of 'time passing' has added a further dimension to the instability. But also, as you suggest, perhaps midlife is a natural time of reconfiguration. A return to a more fluid state as we shift internal and external expectations. And maybe this is more profound for women as we navigate the ebbs and flows of our hormonal evolution. Thought provoking stuff, thanks.
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment, Amy. I was discussing with a friend how little knowledge there is about hormonal changes after 40 and how they impact us. In general, I believe there is very little information available about women, period haha Have you found some good resources to read on this? My mum was already in menopause in her early forties, but she had als other health problems that could have triggered it. Have a great start to the week 🖤
My forties were brutal. Anxious, low and fractuous times - I wouldn't change them for the world. At 50, I feel that they forged me into a less selfish, more together and happier person. I picked up many friends on the way, I was too busy being important in my 30s. Thanks for the post.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Andy! Wow, thanks also for sharing. Anxiety-wise, my early 30s were probably the worst, but now, after having done on-and-off therapy for over ten years, that part is a bit better. What made you feel better in your 50s, if I may ask? Was it purely ageing and being wiser, or did you do some work too? Happy Sunday 🖤
I made a pact with myself to be a happy 50 year old then I worked towards it. I didn’t mean this to be a plug but I have written about it for a book called “New Wild Order” which will be out in Feb 2025. In short, I tried to do all the things I thought were missing and got rid of the things that were harmful. I sang, I mircodosed, I camped naked, starved myself and awaited a vision, gave up furnture and sugar, stopped drinking so much, quit smoking, ate well, drummed and finally quite social media to spend more time sitting under trees.
Wooow that is so inspiring, Andy. Will the book also talk about all the experiences you have had? I would love to read it. I love micro-dosing lol on that note
Thank you for the beautiful glimpse into Sufi culture!
I felt a strange and wondrous sense of accomplishment about making to 40 in one piece, as in, well done, you! I’m Russian, in our part of the world you generally didn’t expect good things to happen by default, so being alive, safe and loved feels like a bit of a revelation, kind of like that last meme.
I’m so happy you enjoyed it 🥰 I find it fascinating how different cultures worldwide think so differently about these topics. I wish someone would write a book about worldwide beliefs, customs and traditions. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Happy Sunday 🖤
Oh yeah. Which day are you? Still Taurus? I’m 6th May, so Taurus. Best star sign haha Happy belated to you, too. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I am "only" 35, but I've been having these same thoughts. When people tell me I am too young I always think about my mother passing at 50, and I operate on a different timeline because of that. I feel as if I have been passing through a wall of grief for a while, ambiguous grief, vaguely tied to the departure of the youthful illusion of endless possibility, a sort of collapse of dreams that have become obsolete. I believe I am walking towards the other side now. Still not sure what finds me there, but know now it isn't a closed door.
Tamara, thank you for sharing. Wow, 50 is very young. I'm sorry to hear about your mother! The mere thought of my own mother passing away fills me with immense pain.
I went to my friend's birthday yesterday, and she also turned 40. I asked her how she felt, and she said she felt amazing and was very excited. I asked her if she felt confused about where her life was heading, but she basically said that since her cancer treatment five years ago, every day of her life has been a blessing for her. It is a gift to be alive! Having gone through the treatment but also being on the edge of death changed her whole perspective on life.
I will read the post you shared. Thank you so much for that, but also, thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I loved this reframe Tugba. I am 41 now. I felt very anxious about turning 40, but now, a little over a year into my forties I feel that the rebrand is accurate. I sometimes feel sad about what growing older means and the changes in my life, but a lot of the time I feel more resolute and more determined to stay true to myself and not be pushed and pulled by the external. I speak my mind more. I am definitely angry more but I don't pretend it is something else like sadness. I also find myself increasingly interested in being healthy.
Aw, it's great to read about your experience, Catriona! I'm so glad I wrote about all this and got to read all these great experiences of others turning 40. It can feel lonely when you're the first one in your current friend group to turn 40 haha Of course, I have older friends, too, but the majority are a couple of years younger. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
It's interesting to be reminded that women are often excluded from discussions about midlife crises. The term, if I'm not mistaken, was from Carl Jung and he was refferring to the end of the 20s beginning of the 30s and definitely meant it apply to both women and men.
Part of his interest in it was that he was looking at parallels in astrology and psychology. The "Lebens-Mitte Übergang" was heavily influenced by his understanding of the Saturn return.
*Addendum, Jung talked about mid-life transitions, but apparently Elliot Jaques originally coined the term mid-life crisis and drew heavily on Jung as he did.
I didn't know this! I didn't look up who came up with the term, so thank you for sharing. It's really fascinating. I may read up on this more. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Sebastian. Hope you are enjoying the bank holiday today 🖤
You found the most amazing words about turning 40, reaching “middle age” and the typical midlife crisis. As someone closer to 40 than 30 this was a really interesting read. 🧡
Hello Tuğba! I'm Danielle, also living in Berlin. I work here as a writer and artist, prior to that I lived in NYC and worked as a psychotherapist. My friend showed me your page and said, you two share a lot of the same interests and also mentioned you might be hosting a writing meet up group? In any case, I wanted to say hello and would love to connect more if you're up for it, either here or even better in person. Midlife is a theme I am facing head on now, writing more about through personal essays and eventually a larger scale work to work through all the fun stuff coming up. I think midlife awakening as you put it, is a great way to re-conceptualize this time and break out of rigid societal notions and narratives. I am also focusing on what midlife looks like for a woman who takes a non-traditional path in life, the modern woman who may have not chosen marriage or children and/or who may have lived a life that is more free than what has been allowed in times past. All interesting stuff and even more interesting to work out together. Cheers!
Sounds great! Have a wonderful adventure and I look forward to meeting you when you get back ☀️
Hi Danielle, lovely to meet you :) I’m traveling at the moment and will be off sailing tomorrow, but I wanted to share the link to our next meetup: https://lu.ma/ri8xblsy. You definitely need to join — I’d love for us to meet in person!
I’ll also DM you the link to our Telegram group. We’re now a community of 100 writers, and it would be amazing to have you join us. If you can't make it to the upcoming meetup, no worries — I’ll be back from my travels on April 1st and would love to grab a coffee with you then. So nice that your friend connected us!
Also, it’s really comforting to hear you're going through similar emotions. Makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you so much for taking the time to read. Wishing you a wonderful Sunday!
This is so interesting. I am about a year behind you and also kind of freaking out about turning 40 this year. You're right most research so far is pretty male centric but I recently found this article detailing that the midlife Crisis is no longer a think - I hope it's ok to share the link here. https://www.interdependence.org/blog/the-global-loss-of-the-u-shaped-curve-of-happiness/
Of course, lol! Share whatever you like—I’m always happy to read about this topic. I don’t think I’m done with it yet, haha! As I mentioned in another message, I’m turning 41 this year… arghh, haha! I mean, yaaay! 😆 Thank you for the article!
"Turning 40 is a significant milestone in Sufi culture as it signifies the transition to full maturity, both physically and spiritually. This milestone is rooted in Islamic teachings and broader spiritual rituals. Prophet Muhammad received his first revelation at the age of 40, making it a symbol of transitioning into a deeper phase of life."
I read this after I commented on your more recent post (from which this post was linked). I wish the Sufi reverance for aging that you describe here was more pervasive in all societies!
Right? As I delved deeper into the subject, I was disheartened by the vast disparity between most societies and the Sufi way of thinking. We place excessive importance on physical appearance and maintaining youth, while neglecting to appreciate the positive aspects of aging. The more I recognize this, the more I understand how detrimental some of the things we face, particularly on social media, can be to our wellbeing. Thank you so much Lori for reading. Have a wonderful weekend 🫶🏼
HSBC's advertisement at Heathrow says it brilliantly: is it a midlife crisis or midlife opportunity? We choose the wording and with that, our mindset.
Wow, I love it Raksha haha Thank you for sharing. So HSBC is aligned with my thinking. Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading 🖤
Loved the read, Tugba; I feel so connected by the fact that I also do lots of reading when trying to open up perspectives about anything worrying me. Thanks for bringing this to the table ✨
Awww love that haha I mean that you also read to make sense of things! I feel seen, Ane 🥰 thank you for taking the time to read and share!
Really like the reframing idea. I think I had a quarter life awareness and ever since thought that my midlife awareness would be much less critical. But I guess this is something that we can only grasp fully a bit retrospectively. But I'm glad that your process lead to clarity - which I feel is in itself a very positive outcome.
Thank you baby 🖤 Honestly, this reframing has been super helpful; I feel so much better about the future. I’m surprised by how sometimes writing about these things is so therapeutic. Have a great start to the week!
This is a fascinating read. I really enjoyed turning 40 - it felt like a real 'adult' milestone - an actual coming of age, I suppose. Honestly, the years since have been tumultuous (I'm now 43). Not because of my age, but I think the sense of 'time passing' has added a further dimension to the instability. But also, as you suggest, perhaps midlife is a natural time of reconfiguration. A return to a more fluid state as we shift internal and external expectations. And maybe this is more profound for women as we navigate the ebbs and flows of our hormonal evolution. Thought provoking stuff, thanks.
Thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment, Amy. I was discussing with a friend how little knowledge there is about hormonal changes after 40 and how they impact us. In general, I believe there is very little information available about women, period haha Have you found some good resources to read on this? My mum was already in menopause in her early forties, but she had als other health problems that could have triggered it. Have a great start to the week 🖤
My forties were brutal. Anxious, low and fractuous times - I wouldn't change them for the world. At 50, I feel that they forged me into a less selfish, more together and happier person. I picked up many friends on the way, I was too busy being important in my 30s. Thanks for the post.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Andy! Wow, thanks also for sharing. Anxiety-wise, my early 30s were probably the worst, but now, after having done on-and-off therapy for over ten years, that part is a bit better. What made you feel better in your 50s, if I may ask? Was it purely ageing and being wiser, or did you do some work too? Happy Sunday 🖤
I made a pact with myself to be a happy 50 year old then I worked towards it. I didn’t mean this to be a plug but I have written about it for a book called “New Wild Order” which will be out in Feb 2025. In short, I tried to do all the things I thought were missing and got rid of the things that were harmful. I sang, I mircodosed, I camped naked, starved myself and awaited a vision, gave up furnture and sugar, stopped drinking so much, quit smoking, ate well, drummed and finally quite social media to spend more time sitting under trees.
Wooow that is so inspiring, Andy. Will the book also talk about all the experiences you have had? I would love to read it. I love micro-dosing lol on that note
Thank you for the beautiful glimpse into Sufi culture!
I felt a strange and wondrous sense of accomplishment about making to 40 in one piece, as in, well done, you! I’m Russian, in our part of the world you generally didn’t expect good things to happen by default, so being alive, safe and loved feels like a bit of a revelation, kind of like that last meme.
I’m so happy you enjoyed it 🥰 I find it fascinating how different cultures worldwide think so differently about these topics. I wish someone would write a book about worldwide beliefs, customs and traditions. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Happy Sunday 🖤
Lovely Sunday to you too!
Birthday month twin - I turned 40 in May as well! I was SO glad to leave my 30s behind, whew 😅 Happy (quiet) belated birthday!
Wonderful article and thoughts. ♥️
Oh yeah. Which day are you? Still Taurus? I’m 6th May, so Taurus. Best star sign haha Happy belated to you, too. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
Taurus twin too!! Yay! 😃
yaaaayy best star sign haha 🖤 I also get on so well with other Taruruses
I am "only" 35, but I've been having these same thoughts. When people tell me I am too young I always think about my mother passing at 50, and I operate on a different timeline because of that. I feel as if I have been passing through a wall of grief for a while, ambiguous grief, vaguely tied to the departure of the youthful illusion of endless possibility, a sort of collapse of dreams that have become obsolete. I believe I am walking towards the other side now. Still not sure what finds me there, but know now it isn't a closed door.
Thanks for writing vulnerable post! I kept coming back to this article this year, that also talks about a similar reframing: https://annehelen.substack.com/p/are-you-in-the-portal.
Tamara, thank you for sharing. Wow, 50 is very young. I'm sorry to hear about your mother! The mere thought of my own mother passing away fills me with immense pain.
I went to my friend's birthday yesterday, and she also turned 40. I asked her how she felt, and she said she felt amazing and was very excited. I asked her if she felt confused about where her life was heading, but she basically said that since her cancer treatment five years ago, every day of her life has been a blessing for her. It is a gift to be alive! Having gone through the treatment but also being on the edge of death changed her whole perspective on life.
I will read the post you shared. Thank you so much for that, but also, thank you for taking the time to read and leave a comment. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I love the idea of reframing💞 I’m going thru a quarter life reawakening!! Quarter life recalibration!! Yes☺️🌟
Yesss. Thank you for taking the time to read. Have a wonderful Sunday 🖤
I loved this reframe Tugba. I am 41 now. I felt very anxious about turning 40, but now, a little over a year into my forties I feel that the rebrand is accurate. I sometimes feel sad about what growing older means and the changes in my life, but a lot of the time I feel more resolute and more determined to stay true to myself and not be pushed and pulled by the external. I speak my mind more. I am definitely angry more but I don't pretend it is something else like sadness. I also find myself increasingly interested in being healthy.
Aw, it's great to read about your experience, Catriona! I'm so glad I wrote about all this and got to read all these great experiences of others turning 40. It can feel lonely when you're the first one in your current friend group to turn 40 haha Of course, I have older friends, too, but the majority are a couple of years younger. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment 🖤
This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Xue. I appreciate the support! Have a beautiful day 🖤
It's interesting to be reminded that women are often excluded from discussions about midlife crises. The term, if I'm not mistaken, was from Carl Jung and he was refferring to the end of the 20s beginning of the 30s and definitely meant it apply to both women and men.
Part of his interest in it was that he was looking at parallels in astrology and psychology. The "Lebens-Mitte Übergang" was heavily influenced by his understanding of the Saturn return.
*Addendum, Jung talked about mid-life transitions, but apparently Elliot Jaques originally coined the term mid-life crisis and drew heavily on Jung as he did.
I didn't know this! I didn't look up who came up with the term, so thank you for sharing. It's really fascinating. I may read up on this more. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, Sebastian. Hope you are enjoying the bank holiday today 🖤
No bank holiday in Vienna today, but wishing you good ease and rest in Berlin!
Let me/us know what you find. I'm curious if you'll find some avenues I don't know yet.
Awww sorry haha I just assumed you live in Germany because of your name! Anyway, have a beautiful evening then 🥰