In October, I had my first exhibition with a group of artists at Backhaus in Berlin. We met in June this year during a course at the Art University UDK. The course was about idea transformation, and in an instant, we connected so well that we decided to try out this new way of idea generation and display our work in an exhibition.
For many years, I limited myself to only writing, but I have let go of everything this year. I started painting, making ceramics and sculptures; lately, I've been interested in print. So, I'm a newbie to all of these things except writing. This was my first-ever exhibition, and oh, what a journey it was. There was so much learning along the way, and I would like to share some of it.
A really important learning was that art is not a competitive act. Of course, you are expected to compare yourself when working with such a talented group of amazing artists. Nonetheless, there is no comparison; even if the same medium and technique are used, everyone's playing field is specific to them. Comparison is the thief of joy1 - which, in hindsight, really is and was my experience at the beginning. I could only let go and enjoy once I reflected on what was happening.
Next is our good friend Perfection. A friend that has haunted me all my life. The perfect idea, the perfect medium, the perfect execution, and the perfect amount of years of experience. Perfection led me to procrastinate for weeks and weeks. I kept conceptualising and writing about the idea but couldn't get started until there was so little time left that I had to work overtime week in and out to finish on time. Which I did, luckily, but I nearly burnt myself out. Nothing worked out the way I visualised it in my head. I realised I got so many things wrong on this one. Every new failure was needed so new information could be learned. While working with epoxy, I found that theoretically, it isn't difficult, but in practice, it proved challenging due to its sensitivity as a material. Getting the conditions right for epoxy is extremely tough. Too hot, too cold, too much humidity, too little humidity, thick layer, thin layer, the brand, the mould and many other things all play a role in creating art. At some point, I felt like a scientist - testing, adjusting and testing again. Artists and scientists tend to approach problems with a similar open-mindedness and curiosity.
Another issue that arose was whatever I made; my initial reaction was: “This looks terrible!” and I was highly critical of every detail. Hello, Self-Doubt, my other good friend. Still, once I distanced myself from my creation, perfectionism, and, most importantly, my inner critic, I became more of an external observer and appreciated my work. Go for a walk, listen to music, or do something else that doesn't involve staring at and analyzing your artwork. I learned that, after some time had passed, I changed my mind and loved what I had created even though it was the same piece of art. I think fondly of my meditation teacher, Upul Gamage's words: "Be an outsider if you want to change the inside. You need to become an observer, not a controller, not a producer, not a director, but a spectator." He was talking about our mind in this context, but self-doubt is all in our mind, aka nothing is ever good enough; we are not good enough. There comes a time when we must end the cycle and distance ourselves to become an outsider, a spectator. Only then can we quieten the inner critic and stop worrying about all the details, trying to make things perfect. There is no end to perfectionism. Self-doubt lives in all of us. I realised I will never achieve perfection, but I can get to - this is good, and I can live with that.
The most significant lesson is not to be too harsh on yourself! Humanity breathes in mistakes. We learn by doing and living. A piece of art, be it a painting, sculpture or even a post on Substack, is only a snapshot of the current moment. It's only a snapshot of who we are now, our thoughts, beliefs, knowledge, feelings and experiences. It's not the end; it's only one artwork, one exhibition of many more to come. Many more moments await us to create, paint, and write - with new learnings, old learnings, old mistakes and new mistakes.
I would love to hear your thoughts if any of these resonate with you! In my next post, I will write more about my artwork, a sculpture, share some photos, and discuss how I incorporated the themes: contrast, reflection and boundaries in my work.
Your friend Tuğba
Theodore Roosevelt
This is the first piece of yours that I've read, but I definitely relate with nearly all you said. Especially the critic...uggh. Still working through that stuff, but I appreciate your advice! Good stuff and I look forward to reading more.
I can’t wait to see your artwork in your next post and be alongside you as your develop as a visual artist. Go at your own pace. And give yourself the grace to find yourself in this new work 🖤 we all ebb and flow in creative practice!