you don’t need anyone to okay your choices
everyone has opinions. not everyone has your priorities.
I’m Tuğba, a Greek-Turkish artist living in Berlin - as slow as possible is a newsletter exploring the in-between spaces of our lives that we see but often do not notice. Interested in reading more of my work?
Decisions. Big decisions. Small decisions. Perhaps even medium-sized decisions. I’ve always called myself indecisive, someone who dreads making choices, especially big ones. Anxiety would take over, my mind playing out endless scenarios for days on end. I’d find myself swayed by the opinions of friends and family, bouncing from one person’s advice to another’s like a monkey swinging between trees.
I’ve been thinking about leaving Berlin. I’ve played with this thought for a year, but at the end of last year, I felt the urgency to finally get serious about it. Naturally, I shared my thoughts with colleagues, friends, and family. Of course, everyone had different opinions. Some called me crazy for even considering a return to London. Others thought it madness to consider Paris without speaking French. And some others thought I had lost the plot for thinking that Australia may be an option. Of course, there were also those who couldn’t imagine why I’d leave Berlin, my friends, my wonderfully affordable rent, and my comfort zone.
A lot of thoughts, right?
I don’t blame my loved ones for their reactions. They care deeply about me, want what’s best for me, and, most importantly, want me close by. Their opinions reflect where they are in life, their dreams, their fears... I get it. A few years ago, when several of my close friends moved to Lisbon in the same year, my immediate reaction was, “WHATTT? You really want to leave Berlin?” I wasn’t ready to let them go, nor could I comprehend why they’d leave what was, back then, the best city in the world to me.
I’d be lying if I said everyone’s opinions didn’t affect me—they certainly did. But far less than they might have in the past. Perhaps it’s age; at 41, maybe I’m not a monkey swinging between advice trees anymore. Perhaps it’s therapy, quietly working its magic. But what truly moved the needle this time is clarity. For the first time, I have clear priorities. I know exactly what’s non-negotiable for me right now, even though my priorities may shift next year or in five years. Right now, these priorities are my creative work, the desire to be in a meaningful relationship and build a life together, and, crucially, living somewhere that genuinely inspires me. That last one might sound a bit wishy-washy, but that’s a post for another day.
You might ask, “Does Berlin not offer these things?” To some extent, yes, but in many ways, no. Over the past year, the negatives have outweighed the positives for me. Cities, jobs, apartments... they’re external elements that shift in importance as we move through life. When I first moved to Berlin, parties and a super active social life were at the top of my list. Now, that’s changed dramatically. Each time I’ve felt conflicted these past months, revisiting my current priorities has calmed my anxiety significantly.
What might seem like madness to one person can be precisely the right move for someone else. We all have unique circumstances, stories, desires, and priorities. Just because something is right for one person doesn’t make it universally right or wrong. It simply makes it different. I’ve also realised that waiting for the “right” time is pointless unless we first understand our priorities clearly. Knowing what’s most important to us right now helps clarify what we can deprioritise. Yes, leaving Berlin means sacrificing financial comfort and cheap rent, but it might also mean feeling inspired again, perhaps even finding love.
Everything is fluid in life. Our priorities change. There is nothing wrong with that and it is simply part of staying true to ourselves so that we can flourish. Coming to this realisation has profoundly impacted my mental wellbeing. Despite the significant decisions ahead, I feel at ease knowing that, while I can’t have everything, I have the chance to go for what’s most important to me now. If you’re facing a big, medium, or small decision, take a step back and jot down a few things that are non-negotiable for you. What truly matters, and how do your options stack up with your priorities?
I’m definitely making a mental note for the future that when we give advice, our opinions about what’s best for someone often reflect where we are in our own lives, our fears and our dreams, what inspires us... But what feels right, exciting, or comforting to us may not bring the same joy or meaning to someone else. By recognising that, we can offer support without imposing our own pleasures or priorities on others, giving them space to choose what helps them flourish in their own way.
We only have one life!
Take care!
Your friend Tuğba
I just released my first e-book. Woohoo!
Great post! As usual, I agree with the general sentiment, Tuğba.
Leaving Berlin? Sure. I've thought about it often. Then again, any place is as good as the next one. Moving to a new place won't make you happy, just as a new job or a new partner won't be able to do that, at least not long-term. Happiness needs to come from within, and when you discover that place within yourself, you can basically live wherever you and your loved ones feel like growing roots. Sounds cliché, I know, but I've found it to be quite true.
Awww my dear! Good luck embracing your decision and the next chapter 💥💥